Kyle Orton, Man With Pulse, Has Charmed Lindsay Lohan’s Pants Off
So you know, Chicago Bears quarterback Kyle Orton is fully prepared to put the nail in the coffin on that “Starting Quarterback Gets More Ladies” stereotype that’s been haunting bloggers nerds for eons.
Yes, that Kyle Orton. The neckbeard wearing, Beam swizzling, short dump-pass completing football player that is leading the Chicago Bears this year. He’s popular with hot celebrities. Or skanky ones. Or … well, I’m not sure I’m allowed to go past “skanky,” even if we’re talking about Lindsay Lohan.
Also spied dancing with an attractive blonde at Crimson Lounge: new Bears quarterback Kyle Orton — dubbed ‘’super-hot” by Lohan, Ronson and Lauper, who all admired the NFL player’s dance-floor moves.
I’m getting some mixed feeling here. First of all, I’m fairly certain I’m ready to live in a world where Orton is “super-hot” to a celebrity, even if it’s Lohan.
That gives me hope. However, I’m 100 percent confident that society’s fabric — and possibly the Earth’s core — will all simultaneously implode if Orton and Lohan engage in relations. Night would be day, down would be up, dumb would be smart … essentially Idiocracy would come to real life.
On the other hand, I should probably just quit thinking about this. A) I’ve got a huge headache, a la Baxter Cain and B) Linds has shown a proclivity for going after any human being with a pulse, particularly athletes on the rise, if you’ve been following the news.
The really sad thing is basically finding out that it was the Bears gig all along that made Rex Grossman the “Sex Cannon,” not his abilities as a signal caller, meaning that Orton has taken his job, his celebrity status and, needless to say, his dignity. I mean, everyone’s always known that the starting quarterback pulled more women, but I think it’s safe to say that we just assumed Cannon’s deep balls are what got him the ladies.
(/Beavis laugh)
{Via SbB.}
Subscribe to our RSS feed.
Follow us on Twitter.
Add New Comment
Viewing 8 Comments
Thanks. Your comment is awaiting approval by a moderator.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
On the other part, Angelina Jolie also said that Billy Bob Thorton is sexy candy. So, look out Hollywood I’m probably moving WEST!
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Do you already have an account? Log in and claim this comment.
Add New Comment