Pacman Jones is Back(man Jones)
At long last, Cowboys cornerback Pacman Jones’ suspension is coming to an end, as NFL commissioner Roger Goodell informed the team of his reinstatement today. For an entire year, Pacman sat idle, staying still in the corner, camping near the power pill, waiting for the ghosts to come after him so he could chomp the pill and devour them and send their eyeballs to purgatory.
Word is, Pacman received the news while eating at Hooters.
Jones was at Hooters when he got the phone call informing him that his suspension is over, Calvin Watkins of the Dallas Morning News reports.
Jones told Watkins, “It feels good man, you know, to get a second chance and I just have to take advantage of it. First and foremost, I don’t want to let myself down, definitely my little girl down. I’m thankful for Jerry [Jones], the fans in Dallas and my teammates for believing in me. I need to keep doing what I’ve been doing to get reinstated staying with myself and my teammates and staying away from those knuckleheads and just stay focused.”
So here we have a story about an athlete receiving a phone call so significant that we are noting where he was when he heard it. It’s almost as if he’s being drafted. I don’t have to have been there, or claim any credible sources, to get a good idea of how it went down: Pacman, sitting at one of those high tables with uncomfortable wooden stools. At the table with him are his friends, family, and the waitress, who pulled up a chair to disingenuously flirt with him. Pacman is in the process of pointing and laughing at an ironic construction-style sign on the wall that referenced female anatomy when the phone rings. The table falls silent. Pacman listens for a few moments, hangs up, and bursts into joyful tears. Hugs all around. He dons a hat that says, simply, “REINSTATEMENT.”
I want a hat like that.
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