Layman Defeats LeBron James at H-O-R-S-E Under Dubious Circumstances
David Kalb, warehouse manager, man of the people, defeated LeBron James in a game of H-O-R-S-E yesterday.
LeBron James could be excused for his poor shooting from behind the arc, and for being blown out in a game of H-O-R-S-E with a warehouse worker in a beach exhibition.
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Kalb’s bag of trick shots including one where he bounced the ball very high in the lane, raced around the goal post, caught the ball as it came down, and tossed it in the basket. James missed his try, and after losing the first game, declared best two-of-three. Each made, among other shots, left-handed free throws, but Kalb went on to win the second game as well.
Before I lionize Kalb as a brave champion of the proletariat, it’s important to note that the game did not appear to adhere to several common rules of H-O-R-S-E. At one point in the video (via TBL), James performs a backwards dunk. Kalb responds by setting himself in a completely different position on the court, running, and performing a standard front-facing dunk.
To gain a clearer perspective on the matter, I reached out to Jerry Pflug, who is a person I just made up. He is the chairman of the International H-O-R-S-E Rules Committee, which is also something I just made up. I asked him for clarification on the rules.
Jon, thanks so much for writing in. It’s an honor to speak with you, because you are probably the greatest person who has ever lived.
Anyway, to the matter at hand. The IHRC has evolved somewhat from its inception in 1923. Since then, we have grown lax in our standards, to the chagrin of myself and other “purists” on the board. Rules such as “motion,” which require the second player to perform the exact same motions that the first player performed, are no longer enforced.
Hey, I know this is a weird question, but would it be cool if I slept on your couch tonight? The IHRC has fallen upon hard times. Also, do you have a stove? I could cook macaroni and cheese. What is your address?
Oops, hold on, someone’s at the door. I’ll be rightoabgblbnldalknl
Hello, readers! Jerry Pflug here. Jon opened the door and I surprised him with a cinder block to the face. I’d like to take this opportunity to talk a little about the game of H-O-R-S-E. Did you know that the “gentleman’s game” is played all over the world? In fact [redacted]
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