Cubs fans are superstitious lot. OH, YOU KNEW THAT ALREADY. These people pray to Harry Caray, believe a small little man in a turtleneck “cursed” them, and hang goats. Superstitious. Also: insane.

Delightfully absent from these abuses of intellect has been religion. It’s rare, I think, to hear a Cubs fan actually pray. I don’t mean prayer to the baseball gods, or to the god of switching the remote from one’s left hand to his right every half inning. No, I mean an actual, real-deal, dyed-in-the-wool capital-D Deity. Jesu Cristo. Allah. Yahweh. Dudes like that.

No more. ViaSporting Blog and Deadspin, the Cubs have turned themselves over to the sweet, merciful, curveball-flattening Catholic God:

Upon hearing the news, He sighed, turned off the TV, and got back to writing cease-and-desist letters to Sarah Palin.