Want to read the funniest headline ever? Give this one a go (via Fark):

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette currently has the following stories tied up at the copy desk:

– ‘Politically conversant teenagers unveiled’
– ‘Blind video gaming encouraged’
– ‘Parachuteless skydiving suggested’
– ‘Intelligent blogging hoped for’

Anyway, enough of that. Let’s get to the heart of my post, wherein I make fun of an old guy for not liking rampant alcoholism:

“I come from a family that loves football,” he said yesterday. “Can you imagine the pleasure of taking my grandson to a game? My daughter-in-law doesn’t want me to take him there because of the horrible language and people spilling beer everywhere.”

That’s why Mr. Fischer launched Tailgaters Urging Responsibility and Fun, a public-awareness campaign that began in Maryland and debuted yesterday in Pennsylvania, the second state in the program. [...] He’s trying to change the environment so Jacob and other young children can enjoy games they way he did. “Fans have changed,” he said. “It used to be that you’d go to a game and not have a voice left at the end of the day, but it was good clean fun.”

Ah, yes. Everything was better in the olden days. Fans were more polite, beer had more “drinkability,” and the athletes were all white. The good old days.