Because he’s about to be put in a platoon. OMG, get it?

Piniella said the Cubs’ main agenda these next few weeks will be to re-sign pending free agents Ryan Dempster and Kerry Wood and explore trade options for lefthanded hitting and bullpen help. He also said he plans to move Kosuke Fukudome, the Cubs’ $48 million Japanese import whose second-half slump exasperated the manager, to center field as part of a platoon with Reed Johnson.

Whatever’s easiest for Lou’s heart, I suppose. Seeing Fukudome bat every day likely would have sent him over the edge by about the third day of spring training. So that’s that.

This leaves Jim Edmonds out of the picture, but that’s OK. Edmonds is only getting older, and that love affair died long ago. I actually sort of forgot the whole Jim-Edmonds-was-actually-on-the-Cubs thing happened. Let’s keep it this way.

Anyway, know what today is? It’s the first official day of the offseason, which means the Cubs are going to trade for everybody! Common sense doesn’t matter because the Cubs can have Jake Peavy and Prince Fielder and Mark Teixiera AND Adam Dunn! Ridiculous trade scenarios are fun! Weeee!