Around this time of year, Major League Baseball doles out heaps of awards. Two MVPs, Cy Youngs, Rookies of the Year, and Rolaids Relief Men of the Year, as well as eighteen Gold Gloves and Silver Sluggers. Not to mention all the auxiliary/humanitarian trophies. If distributed evenly, every tax-paying American would be entitled to approximately 2.6 Major League Baseball awards.

However, these laurels only commemorate exceptional play. These players couldn’t be the best, were it not for the mediocre players below them on the totem pole. With that in mind, I’d like to introduce the first annual Statistical Mean awards. These awards are meant to recognize the most average, middle-of-the-mountain players. These players’ performances, by definition, are the collective performances of all the players in baseball; the consummation of baseball’s best and worst. An award is given to a position player and pitcher in each league.

This year’s winners:

American League
Pitcher: Nick Blackburn, Twins (193.3 IP, 4.05 ERA, 100 ERA+). Fittingly, he recorded eleven wins and eleven losses in 2008. If all the pitchers in the American League were placed in a zero-gravity environment, Nick would serve as the Sun around which all other pitchers would revolve.
Position player: Ben Francisco, Indians (121 G, .266 BA, 15 HR, 100 OPS+). Remarkably, Francisco’s ‘08 campaign was a nested achievement. Not only was he the near-perfect mathematical average among hitters, his team finished with an even .500 record. Right in the middle. I bet that he is good at darts!

National League
Pitcher: Oliver Perez, Mets (194 IP, 4.22 ERA, 100 ERA+). After wildly oscillating between “pretty good” and “kind of bad” throughout his career, Perez finally settled down in 2008 to post his most polite year to date. If he can follow his effort up with a few more non-noteworthy years, he might literally become invisible.
Position player: James Loney, Dodgers (161 G, .289 BA, 13 HR, 102 OPS+). If baseball is a lever, Loney is the fulcrum. He is an invaluable normalizing agent in every game he plays. This is a player who can place the game on his shoulders and just stand still for a while.

Congratulations, 2008 winners! Expect your award (a baseball) in the mail soon!