Jeff Fisher Attempts, Botches Inspirational Metaphor
As noted by The Sporting News, Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher hatched a crazy scheme to motivate his players. Yesterday, he went on a jump with the 101st Airborne and landed on the Titans’ practice field. Pretty awesome. So what was he trying to teach his players?
Players said the coach used the jump to deliver a message to his 10-0 team about overcoming obstacles.
Way to go, Jeff! Way to teach a lesson about overcoming obstacles by participating in the most obstacle-free activity possible. You’re falling through the sky, friend. That’s the thing about the sky: save for a passing gull or airliner, there are no obstacles.
Were you just being ironic? If so, here are some other suggestions:
Teach “overcoming adversity” by taking a bubble bath. If you want, sip Merlot out of a beer helmet and smoke a cigar. Hold a 45-minute team meeting on how awesome bubble baths are.
Demonstrate leadership by sitting in a sled tied to a Jeep while it does donuts on the practice field. Flail your arms around and scream, “WHEEEEEE!” for as long as you can without falling off.
Show your players your “human side” by dressing up as a robot. Spray-paint a bunch of cardboard boxes and shove your head, arms and legs into them. Spin in circles while doing a choppy, stunted Macarena. Respond to all questions with a monotonic, “DOES NOT COMPUTE” or “I AM A ROBOT ROAARRRR.”
Just don’t go overboard. You don’t want to inspire your players to start losing ironically! Or winning ironically. Wait, how does irony work again?
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