Not that I’m entirely privy to Paul Tagliabue NFL commissioner’s reign, but it’s pretty clear Roger Goodell has come in and laid down the motherflippin’ law since he took over in 2006. I sometimes like to imagine everyone in the NFL having that really cool older English teacher who wear jeans with his ties and played guitar, and then that dude retired and they got some 40-year-old woman who wears her hair back, got left at the altar when she was 24 and now exclusively teaches Wuthering Heights to her students. (And by “sometimes like to imagine” I mean “right now as I write this post.”)

This woman would also not allow her students to wear “Harris Smith” jerseys, (Plaxico Burress’ supposed fake name he used at the hospital) just like the NFL shop is not letting people customize jerseys to that name either.

This comes from NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy who sent a statement over to Central Main Sports.

There are a number of jerseys that fans may not order online, including the ones you cite below (Michael Vick, Harris Smith, Ron Mexico, Lawrence Phillips). Those names are blocked immediately by a computer program which (unfortunately) is not all inclusive and may miss names from time to time. So a fan could type in names on the screen which would make it appear that he/she could purchase it. However, if a fan followed through with an order and attempted to purchase the jersey of a player like you named, we would catch it manually and would not make the jersey or ship the order. The fan would receive a notice that the order would not be fulfilled. Bottom line, you would not be shipped a jersey with the names you cited (Rae Carruth, Art Schlichter, OJ Simpson).

Pssh. Just make the jersey yourself. You’ll spend less money and feel better that you’ve accomplished something. Actually, just have your mom sew it. Yeah: Do that.

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