Guess what: You probably won’t be able to get a ticket to the Winter Classic at Wrigley on January 1. It’s true. Unless you are prepared to do horrible things … unspeakable acts … the kinds of things your grandchildren will ask you about — did you really do that, grandpa? – and you will look off in the distance like a Hemingway character, deep and full of regret, and you will say “Grandpa doesn’t talk about those times.” Unless you are prepared to commit atrocities that will haunt your soul forever … you’re unlikely to get to see a hockey game in the freezing cold on January 1. Tickets are too expensive, and demand is too high.

But before you go blowing up any Spanish bridges or joining any Italian war services, there is a final option. The rooftops!

Ald. Tom Tunney (44th) wants to give the owners of rooftop clubs overlooking Wrigley approval to sell tickets to the event Blackhawks President John McDonough says “has the potential to be … the toughest regular-season ticket to secure in the history of Chicago sports.”

“It’s a fierce rivalry. Interest is very high and ticket prices are very high. There’s an opportunity for the rooftops to do some business,” said Tunney, who has introduced an ordinance authorizing rooftop clubs currently limited to Cubs home games to be open Jan. 1.

“The toughest ticket in the history of Chicago sports.” Apparently John McDonough hasn’t heard of the Chicago Rush.