Bruce Weber needs a stimulus package. Why? The proposed new Illinois arena — which would replace the current Close Encounters of the Third Henson-style arena with something more modern — is being shuttled by the economy. Stupid economy:

“In talking with the chancellor, (Guenther) feels it’s not very prudent to go forward in the current economic climate,” Illinois spokesman Kent Brown told The Associated Press on Tuesday. “Certainly we’re expecting people to say, ‘Uh, maybe next year,” the chancellor said. “It has to be. People have less money.”

The decision to postpone the project, Brown said, was based in part on perception. Embarking on a large project after university president Joseph White had warned the three campuses in October to look for ways to cut spending wouldn’t be wise. Herman said Tuesday the cost-cutting measures would almost certainly include job losses.

We have become a nation of whiners. You know how I know? A really evil, rich old man said that. And when evil, rich old men speak, I listen. So instead of flopping about and complaining that I might have to visit that godforsaken hellhole downstate at some point again in the near future, I’m going to be solution-oriented:

Bruce Weber makes a lot of money, right? Sure he does. He’s one of the highest-paid public employees in the state. He makes plenty, and can probably deal with a little being lopped off the top, right? So my solution is this: Every time Bruce Weber makes a whiny face at the officials, every time he stomps on the floor like a four-year-old, every time he screams in that screechy alto, and every time he crosses his arms not in reflection but in some sort of angry refusal to believe what he just saw … U of I fines him $1,000.

They’ll have a new arena in no time.