Sportswriters, by and large, salivate over any and every story that comes along that will allow them to shoe-horn in every pop culture reference they can. And I fear that they may have found their golden goose for 2009:

The first time Michael Irvin watched “American Idol,” he loved the concept of giving undiscovered singers the chance to become stars. Now Irvin is doing the same for NFL wannabes.

The Hall of Fame receiver is launching a reality TV show in which 12 “football neophytes” will compete for an impressive grand prize: a spot on the Dallas Cowboys’ training camp roster.

Somewhere, Rick Reilly is reading this story with wide eyes, his synapses bursting with dissolute fragments of everything he knows about reality television and popular culture as a whole, imagining the fawning responses from his readership. “Wow, Rick, you are aware of (celebrity)? I am also aware of (celebrity)! What a great joke you just told!”

In the interest of getting this sportswriter zeitgeist-in-the-making out of the way as quickly as possible, I’ll rattle off a list of one-liners you will certainly see in the near future regarding this story. Come on, take your medicine. After this, feel free to ignore any and every story written about it.

“They’re making a reality show in which contestants compete for a spot on the Dallas Cowboys? Oh brother, I hope Sanjaya doesn’t make a guest appearance! He will get tackled by football guys.”

“They’re making a reality show in which contestants compete for a spot on the Dallas Cowboys? ‘The Biggest Loser’ is right!”

“They’re making a reality show in which contestants compete for a spot on the Dallas Cowboys? Two words: wardrobe malfunction!!!”

“They’re making a reality show in which contestants compete for a spot on the Dallas Cowboys? Reality television has gone too far!”

“They’re making a reality show in which contestants compete for a spot on the Dallas Cowboys? Here is a list of reality shows I am aware of: Survivor, Extreme Makeover, The Biggest Loser, You Are The Weakest Link Goodbye. This concludes my article.”

“They’re making a reality show in which contestants compete for a spot on the Dallas Cowboys? A sure sign of the apocalypse…”

“They’re making a reality show in which contestants compete for a spot on the Dallas Cowboys? Wow!”

“They’re making a reality show in which contestents compete for a spot on the Dallas Cowboys? WACKO JACKO OLSEN TWINS WACKO JACKO OLSEN TWINS WACKO JACKO OLSEN TWINS WACKO JACKO OLSEN TWINS [head explodes]“