It’s a dangerous thing, Google. You have to be aware of it, after all; in this crazy new world we’re living in, it’s how many of us introduce ourselves to employers, acquaintances and the 40-year-old divorcee you met on craigslist. But you don’t want to spend too much time obsessing over your results, even if it’s about damn time you kicked that photographer dude down the page a few notches. Eat that, bizarro Eamonn.

Cardinals outfielder Rick Ankiel has recently learned this vast and unwieldy thrill:

He surfed Google and set up a news alert so that every time the words “Rick Ankiel” came up in an article he got an e-mail.

“It was stimulating for me,” he said. “It was kind of nice to know another team wants you. … That time of the offseason, you’re in no man’s land, you’re working out and then you hear all these exciting rumors, guys signing and you never know what is going to happen. That’s not me saying I would ever want to leave the Cardinals, but it was stimulating, mentally stimulating.”

It’s no “I use the Google,” but it’s a step in the right direction nonetheless. And no, I will not be touching the “stimulating” portion of Ankiel’s response. I’ll leave that for the pros.