A day or two ago, I heard that Brian Wilson, San Fransisco Giants closer, was using Twitter. Not all famous athletes deserve to be followed on Twitter. Many are boring or just weird. But Wilson is my roto closer, so I gave him the old follow. Maybe he’ll tweet about when I should drop him, or when his arm is feeling a little rough, or when … OK I’ll stop talking about my fantasy baseball team now.

The first dispatch I got was Wilson explaining that he was eating cheeseburgers, and that people need to stop taking things so seriously. Then … silence. What happened?

Turns out, Wilson wrote a tweet that said “Scottsdale is fun but overaggressive males are not,” leading people to think Wilson was out in Arizona getting roughed up the night before a game. Wilson responded to those inferences by saying he was eating room service hamburgers. This makes no sense.

Now, Wilson has deleted all of his tweets prior to Sunday morning. His explanation? People just can’t handle his prose bombs:

“This Twitter crap, I’ve obviously got to stop because people are taking it too serious. My aspect of that is I write a bunch of stuff that’s not true. It’s made up. Obviously I’m not doing things like going toe-to-toe with a ninja. Find me a ninja, for one. Obviously, it’s my fault for making up a bunch of stuff but I know for a fact most of those followers know I’m not being serious. They just like hearing funny stuff. Some people don’t understand, but I’m not an idiot, so obviously, I’ve got to stop.”

You know, I’ve been on Twitter since February 2008, and I’ve never followed someone who I thought was intentionally writing fake stuff in order to be funny. (With a couple of obvious and hilarious exceptions.) And I’m not talking about comedic failures. Twitter is full of those. I’m talking about relating stories that aren’t actually true and just assuming people understand that. That’s not really how it works, Brian. If you’re going to lie, make it a big obvious lie. Like when Shaq talks about his offseason workouts.

HT: McCovey Chronicles