Is this your homework, Scotty? Is this your homework, Scotty?

While baseball super-agent Scott Boras was eating at a restaurant on Monday evening, someone was in the parking lot smashing up his Land Rover.

The agent told police that his car was parked in the lot at 3201 East Coast Highway between 9:15 and 10:10 p.m. Monday when someone used an unknown hard, long object (baseball bat maybe?) to strike the front and driver’s side window.

Crimes like these often go unsolved, so I’ve taken it upon myself to write up a list of possible suspects. Who would want to smash up Scott Boras’ car?

- The Venn diagram overlap of a) fans bitter that Boras coaxed their favorite player away from their favorite team, and b) people who intensely dislike Land Rovers

- Guy who would have settled for Photoshopping Boras as Satan or the Emperor from Star Wars, if only he knew how to use Photoshop

- Blind baseball player innocently taking warm-up swings; wrong place, wrong time

- Karma, which would have orchestrated an elaborate chain of events that would give Boras his comeuppance and teach him a valuable life lesson, but was feeling really lazy that day

- Sports bloggers who really, really wanted an excuse to make a Big Lebowski reference. Just saying.

(A firm handshake to Deadspin.)