Some More Thoughts On David Wright’s Helmet
It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly why big hats look stupid, since aesthetics are subjective and all that, but the general consensus is that David Wright’s helmet makes him look like a doofus. A motocross helmet would probably be a visual improvement. As it stands, Wright’s new look has drawn the most comparisons to the Flintstones’ Great Gazoo and Dark Helmet from Spaceballs. Not bad, but this is the Internet, folks. There are so many more jokes to be had.
Buzzy Beetle from the Super Mario Brothers games. If this analogy can be rightly extended, opposing pitchers should be able to dominate Wright by jumping on his head and drop-kicking him.
The big spaceship from Flight of the Navigator. Somewhere inside Wright’s helmet is an insufferable robotic eye voiced by Pee-Wee Herman that enjoys singing along to the Beach Boys. Kid’s name is even David. Seems pretty open-and-shut to me.
An extra from a Michel Gondry movie about baseball. I can almost hear Gondry’s whispery French accent. “I want to make a base ball movie. The batter, he wears helmet, no? Make him wear big helmet! Then he will fall into nightmare world made of papier-mâché!” Then he inaccurately mimes swinging a baseball bat.
A guy whose shifts as a construction worker and baseball player sometimes overlap.
“Hey Al, I’m gonna take five. Gotta head across the street and get a base knock.”
“What? Quit screwin’ around and help me rivet this support beam.”
“I have two jobs! I’m tryin’ to feed a family here!”
“YOU SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT THESE CONCERNS TO THE FOREMAN. YOU COULD HAVE AVOIDED A CUMBERSOME SCHEDULING CONFLICT.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“And your hat looks stupid.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Cloud City trooper from Star Wars. Here’s a picture since I’m positive you don’t have any idea of what I’m talking about.
And with that disturbingly nerdy reference, I may have exhausted all possible references to David Wright’s helmet. But since every Minor League player will have to wear them next year, we’ll have plenty of time to sit back and pepper them with jokes, both pertinent and otherwise.
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