I don’t think I could ever be a mascot, because it requires a naturally caffeinated individual: someone who oozes enthusiasm and high spirits for hours on end. I feel asleep at a Bulls game last year. Sober. (To my defense, I was way up in the 300 level, and without glasses. Also, I’m very skilled at falling asleep in odd places.)

Anyway, another key trait of the mascot is to playfully mock the opposition. But one thing you don’t want to do is offend the other team. Especially when it comes to religion. This is America, after all. We sue someone when they look at us funny. Religion, though? That’s just a whole other level.

But Goldy Gopher seems to live by his own code. He went ahead and took it there against Penn State this past weekend:

OH SNAP, did you see how Jerome Hayes, the praying Penn State player, didn’t even acknowledge him after that? He wasn’t too happy about it. As such, Minnesota spokesman Dan Wolter issued the following statement:

“On behalf of Goldy and the University of Minnesota, I want to apologize to the Penn State player involved and anyone else who may have taken offense from this incident. We have reiterated to Goldy the importance of exercising appropriate religious sensitivity in the future.”

I’m glad this story has a happy ending, aren’t you?