Adam Schefter has reported that the Bills need to trade Terrell Owens. Although, in fairness, he’s not necessarily “reporting” this, because he put it on  Rumor Central at ESPN. Yet, it’s actually a fact: the Bills stink (BADLY) and if they can get anything back for a talented, albeit temperamental and aging, wide receiver who’s signed to a one-year deal, well, they should.

So, yeah — Schefter isn’t saying the Bills are trying to trade Owens, just that they should. And one of the teams he thinks that TO should go to? Da Bears.

Of course, as Andrew Sharp points out at SBNation, this sent everyone and their brother within 100 miles of Chicago  into a Google frenzy worthy of Two Girls, One Cup. It’s not surprising, of course: whenever someone like Schefter mentions this possibility, people with any sort of access to a computer start Googling away, usually ending up on LALATE because of some SEO-driven slug instead of actually finding worthwhile information.

But I digress. The point here is Owens is not likely to be traded; Schefter readily admits that while mentioning that the Bears would only be a “good fit” for Owens were he to be traded. Which, coupled with the fact that the Bears gave away most of their valuable trade items when they landed Cutler, means it’s unlikely to go down.

Not that it wouldn’t be awesome — it totally would rule to see Owens actually happy again, catching balls behind an offensive line that wasn’t made out of plywood and duct tape* and making Trent Edwards’ life more miserable. But it’s probably not happening. So either close that window in your browser or just spend the rest of your afternoon trying to trade for Johnny Knox. Or watching porn. Or something other than Googling “TO TO TEH BEARS.”

*May actually be a compliment to the Bills o-line

Presuming it’s OK to admit that I love the Smurfs, I’ll ask you this: remember that time when the Smurfs always used to take the word “Smurf” and replace it with every other word in their sentences and language in order to be humorous?

Well, ESPN tried that on Monday with Brett Favre playing the role of “the smurf language” and Colin Cowherd playing the role of Gargamel. Or something. Point being: Cowherd set what is, I believe, the record for the most times saying the words “Brett Favre” on a single television show.

ESPN put out a press release prior to this event, they called up the Guinness Book of World Records and they did not seem to care that it would irritate every human being on the planet that was stupid enough to tune into “SportsNation” that afternoon. Why didn’t they care? Richard Deitsch explains via Twitter:

From Nielsen: Vikings-Pack draws a 13.2 national rating. Seen by an average of 21.8 million viewers. Most-watched cable sports telecast ever

In the words of that creepy serial killer from South Park, “DO YOU SEE???? DO YOU????”

Seriously, I’m not exactly sure why I haven’t bothered accepting the fact that — and although I’m generally not superb about acceptance of crappy things sometimes, I feel a little bit better that most of the sane portions of America seem to agree with me — we cannot stop Brett Favre. We cannot kill Brett Favre. We cannot even hope to contain Brett Favre.

He is the unmovable object, etc., etc. And when he ran up against the Vikings on Monday Night Football (if this was the NBA, I’d be blog-winking at David Stern for his amazing skedding powers) everyone watched. Everyone. So, trust me peeps, just follow my lead and stop caring. It feels a lot better even if it shouldn’t.

Johnny Knox might very well be the answer to the whole “JAY CUTLER HAS NO RECEIVERS!” argument for folks that like to hate on the Bears (/raises hand). Well, he’s also a tremendous addition to special teams. Witness the following kickoff return for a touchdown from Sunday against the Lions. But also witness what the ballboy does, as he streaks down the sidelines almost in step with Knox before the camera loses him (nice work, as always, Fox). What does this mean? It means the Bears better grow up and draft this kid before he ends up playing for the Arizona Cardinals, that’s what.

HT: Not Qualified to Comment

LeBron James apparently dislikes Braylon Edwards. (Although not for the same reason — the near-goose egg that Edwards is laying on the 2009 fantasy football season — as most folks, myself included.)

Why does he feel that way? Because Edwards allegedly assaulted his boy, Edward Givens, last night. Givens side of the story, according to the Cleveland Plain-Dealer:

“After the club closed, I was outside greeting and saying goodbye to people. Braylon comes up and started saying things, degrading me,” Givens told the Plain-Dealer. “He said if it wasn’t for LeBron [James] or the Four Horsemen, I wouldn’t have what I have, nor would I be able to get girls. Everyone knows Braylon has a problem with LeBron. So I had to speak up for myself. The conversation started to escalate. As some of his teammates started to pull him back, he punched me. I have a black eye and a cut. I’m not a violent guy.

“As long as I’ve known Braylon, I’ve allowed him and his friends to come into our events free of charge. Whatever jealousy he has with LeBron, he felt he needed to take it out on me.”

So, yeah. LeBron lashed back out in practice today, completing the necessary smack-talking cycle:

LeBron just ripped Braylon Edwards for (allegedly) punching his friend last night. Called Edwards “jealous” of him and “childish.”

Now, call me crazy, but I tend to think this might be the stupidest war of all time. Why do I feel that way? (And why do I keep asking myself questions? I have no idea.) Well, mainly because Edwards is a stiff and James is the greatest thing to ever happen to Cleveland.

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People are in freakout mode right now because of Rodney Harrison’s comments last night about Tom Brady: “… if you’re listening, take off the skirt and put on some slacks. Toughen up.” Ouch. Burn. Boom. Etc., etc. Cue the video:

But here’s the thing: Harrison PLAYED WITH BRADY. They are friends. And, at least according to Dan Patrick on his radio show this morning, as soon as the 42 members of Sunday Night is Football Night in America Halftime Spectravaganza Show left the set, Brady and Harrison were texting each other about how humorous his line was.

Now, granted, there are lots of issues with the way that referees are calling games these days; I don’t think anyone wants Tom Brady just freewheelin’ around while everyone else on the field is forced to stare at him knowing that any sort of “tackling” or “rough-housing” will result in a 75-yard penalty and a $40 million fine.

At the same time, however, people also need to understand that Harrison is the prototypical type of “inflammatory” announcer, brought on for his ability to say things that will piss people off. Basically like the Gregg Doyel of NBC, and being heard by way more people. So, nation, please just ignore him when he says mean stuff about the Dreamboat — he’s either doing it purely out of jest or he’s trying to incite you into a riot. And if you respond, he’s going to win. And that’s no good for anyone.

No one with any semblance of brain matter floating around their skull would ever dare question the fact that Randy Moss is one of the most talented wideouts (even perhaps players) in the history of the NFL. It’s not an issue that’s up for debate.

However, anyone who watched Moss play with the Raiders knows that he can become a touch, ahem, lethargic when he’s not happy. But I watched Tom Brady stumble through a win against the Falcons on Sunday (at times overthrowing Moss) and even at one point thought, “But there’s no way he could ever become angry now, he’s got Tom Freaking Brady throwing him the ball.” Well, I might be wrong, judging by Mike Freeman’s latest column over at CBS Sports, which is quite a fascinating peek at Moss on-field behavior.

CBSSports.com charted every Moss play against the Falcons, and on a significant number of them, Moss either didn’t block or generated a lackluster blocking effort. On other plays, when the ball wasn’t going to him, Moss jogged some of his routes.

Now, this is certainly an interesting study in human behavior, but it doesn’t tell us much of anything new; a substantial portion of the human population tries harder at whatever they do when there’s more at stake. It’s the equivalent of someone starting to work their ass off when “the Bobs” come to town, while muddling through normal day activity.

What is interesting is the football strategy behind it. You see, the Falcons apparently recognized Moss’ tendencies ahead of time, and as Freeman mentioned later in his column, they would double him whenever he broke from the line with enthusiasm, and they would leave him in single coverage whenever he came off lethargically.

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Yes, you read that correctly: Favre will wear pink cleats on Monday. But it’s not because he lost a bet. Or because he’s trying to express his undying love for Green Bay fans. No, it’s for the very obvious reason that he and the rest of the NFL are doing their best to fight breast cancer.

But Monday won’t be the first time Favre has donned pink. His wife, Deanna, survived breast cancer, and she once asked him to wear a pink hat.

“When I saw it, I was like, ‘Oh, I can’t believe I made him do that.’ But it was awesome that he did,” Deanna Favre said. “He’s tough enough to wear pink.”

Siiiiiiiiiiiigh. Just when we think he’s gone … just when we’re mere weeks away from the start of the season without Favre playing, he comes back. And then just when we think that he’s going to play quietly in Minnesota’s run-first system, he goes and helps Greg Lewis make an amazing catch. And now this.

Not that I’m mad that he’s doing it: it’s an awesome and fantastic show of support for people like his wife who have battled breast cancer, and, believe me, I think that athletes should do this as much as possible. It’s just that, well, when you combine this with the recent GB newspaper polls indicating that Favre is still more popular in the area than Aaron Rodgers, well, you have to wonder if he’ll ever go away.

The answer to that thought? He really might not. But at least this year while he’s hanging around, he’s actually turning into a likable guy again. (See, Brett? That wasn’t that hard.)