Yesterday’s Cubs-Sox game at Wrigley Field was a microcosm of each team’s season. To wit:

+ The Sox have marched out everyone and their uncle to fill the last spot in the rotation this season. Fitting that Carlos Torres took the bump yesterday afternoon at Wrigley Field. What wasn’t so fitting was that he actually pitched rather well, giving up no runs on five hits in seven innings of action.

+ Fitting that Dewayne Wise protected the shutout with his defensive assist in the seventh. The man has been known for his defense this season, eh? Jake Fox should not have tried scoring on that hit to right field, but Wise still needed a pretty good throw to gun him at the plate.

+ Fitting, too, that the Cubs struggled offensively. This is a team that is better than it’s shown all year at the dish. The last at-bat of the game, in which Alfonso Soriano swung at three outside pitches in a row in his strikeout had to be incredibly frustrating for Cubs fans to sit through. But that’s Soriano for you: he’ll chase and chase and chase.

+ The Sox lead the AL in errors with 100. Though they didn’t commit a fielding error, Scott Podsednik took it upon himself to try and advance to third on a hit back to the pitcher in the first inning. He got in a pickle and was thrown out. So did Gordon Beckham, who tried advancing from first to second while Pods was in his pickle. It was boneheaded all the way around. The Cubs, however, had two errors in the field. The highlight came in the top of the eighth, when Soriano slipped a bit and missed an A.J. Pierzynski ball he should have certainly caught. Cubs fans booed; they threw down what I think was a towel on the field at him. The Sox win the series 4-2 on the year, and now both teams and fanbases go into hibernation until Spring Training.

So, WWE Judgment Day was last night at the Allstate Arena. (What? You didn’t know?) And during a segment where The Miz of Real World/Battle of the Seasons/The Gauntlet/The Inferno/Battle of the Sexes 2/ The Inferno 2 fame — which I will sadly admit to have watched pretty much all of — wore a douchey hat and douchey shorts (but really cool gloves!), Alfonso Soriano popped out of the crowd in the front row.

He awkwardly stood there while The Miz flung insults at him about the Cubs not winning a World Series since 1908. Not only was it a huge burn, it was also incredibly original!

Via: AA/BLS

Professional athletes make millions and millions of dollars. As such, they can afford to purchase very nice things. However, some of them obviously go over the top.

A perfect example of this would be the Hummer H2 of one Alfonso Soriano, the Chicago Cubs outfielder still soaking in his monster $136-million-over-eight-years contract. The car has been featured before around the old blogosphere, but it’s back this season with some all new features!

Namely, the biggest freaking stereo you’ve ever seen:

Clearly, too, the car is serving as an endorsement for ABT Electronics in Glenview, Illinois, based on the watermark gracing these here photos, courtesy of Home Run Derby.

And even more clearly, ABT does a bad-A job with installation; it’s one thing to install what appear to be three foot speakers and subwoofers in a car … it’s an entirely different ballgame to slap those puppies in with the matching Cubbie blue that Soriano’s car itself rocks out.

Now, personally, I wouldn’t drive this whip. But that’s because I prefer a Yukon or an Escalade to the obviously tacky azure blue H2. But then again, I don’t have how many ever thousands lying around to drop on a brand-new stereo. It’s nice to see the economy’s not affecting everyone.

More photos after the jump.

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Alfonso Soriano is a good baseball player. Is he good enough to justify the 18 million a year the Cubs will be paying him starting in 2010, when he turns 34, and will continue to pay him until 2014 when he’s 38? Probably not. His skills are already diminishing. That was a bit of a silly contract. But like I said: Soriano is still good at what he does, as he went for 29 homers and 75 RBIs in a 2008 injury-shortened year. But something that doesn’t quite suit him anymore? Batting leadoff.

However, Soriano has always been a leadoff hitter. He likes to bat leadoff. He likes to tell people he likes to bat leadoff. I think he also wrote a one act about his love of the leadoff role and tried to get it run Off-Broadway a few years ago. Last season, when it was apparent his traditional leadoff attributes weren’t what they used to be — steals, speed etc. — but his power was ever present, he still wanted to bat there. (I don’t know if Soriano’s career .329 OBP ever justified him in the leadoff role, but I digress.) And, for stretches of the year, Lou Piniella kept him up there, because a happy Alfonso is better than a grumpy Alfonso. This never made a lot of sense to me because it was clear Soriano didn’t belong there. But I’m not an MLB manager trying to keep a Jack Donaghy level of synergy in the clubhouse. I guess we’re used to doing the things we’ve always done; We are resistant to change.

Anyway, Soriano seems to be past all that “hit me leadoff” talk and realizes it’s best to hit somewhere else in that very good Cubs lineup. Aw, he’s learned, he’s mature, he’s all grown up.

And the Cubs should be all the better for it.

Something we know: Manny Ramirez tore up the playoffs to the tune of four homers, 10 RBIs and a .520 average in eight games. That is good. Very good. He was also very good for the Dodgers in the regular season, as he belted 21 homers and hit .410.

Something we don’t know: where Manny will be next season. The Dodgers are going to have the shell out some mad scrill — Scott Boras is saying Ramirez is worthy of a six-year contract (he’s 36 now) worth top-tier money. Of course Boras is saying that. So, if the Dodgers can’t hack that … who can? Perchance the Cubbies?

If there’s a fan base ripe for that pitch, it’s the fans in the bars in Wrigleyville. They have watched  Alfonso Soriano and  Aramis Ramirez go a combined 5-for-51 in the crushing first-round losses to the Dodgers and Arizona and are hungrier than ever for the full ride, not just the big tease.

There’s no way the Cubs can play two left fielders, so Soriano would have to go for Ramirez to come. Soriano seems to be essentially an immovable object with six years and $106 million left on his contract, but the Dodgers will need two things if they don’t re-sign Ramirez—power hitting and another buzz guy.

Could Soriano soften the blow of losing Ramirez?

Though this is certainly a tantalizing prospect for Cubs fans after they saw Ramirez light them up in the playoffs, it seems rather silly. I doubt the Cubs are going to want to pay him A-Rodish money until he’s 42; I doubt the Dodgers are going to want to take on Soriano’s insane contract; I doubt this is even feasible. It’s just kind of dumb for both parties involved.

Though, I also doubted Santa Claus existed until the milk and cookies we left out for him every year were eaten, so what do I know.

Sportswriting in this mesh of media evolution is a dangerous thing. There are always — seemingly — two distinct voices. There are the rational and straight-laced modern day fans of sport whose voices indicate realism. And there are the looned-out sportswriters that pine for days of yesteryear and whatnot. Is Carol Vertrees one of those writers? Me dost thinketh so.

The Cubs are into their second century without a World Series title.

I ask, “So what?”

Let them sign someone with a name like Orval Overall, who helped pitch them to a pennant in 1906. And another thing — bring back colorful words like “gonfalon” and send “pennant” back to the dugout. And let them bring in a guy like Mordecai “Three Fingers” Brown, who threw a shutout in the 1907 Series. And where are the Ed Reulbachs when we need them? That guy pitched two shutouts on the same day.

Ballplayers don’t chew tobacco and spit. Instead, they sit in the dugout and nibble on seeds, like squirrels, ejecting hulls all over the place.

Disgusting! They probably are thinking of their stock portfolios or their dozens of vintage cars. Dull. They do not inspire much loyalty.

What. The. Hell, Man. Is this a prank? Has Ken Tremendous somehow taken over a fake byline at the Post-Trib? Because, honestly, that’s the only possible explanation I can fathom for why Ms. Vertrees believes that signing the dead body of Orval Overall (is this a Philip Roth novel?) will guarantee the Chicago Cubs a World Series title.

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Of course it was only a game, and of course it was merely a one-stop thing, and of course there is another game tonight, and Carlos Zambrano’s pitching, and it’s a five-game series, and it’s important to remain calm and oh forget it: I’m going to freak out. Sorry. I just am.

I’m not going to go on and on about this, but after last night — after impatient at-bats and ground balls and walk after walk by Ryan Dempster — I can’t help but feeling like this Cubs team is going to be found out. Revealed. An imposter. The jig: up.

I mean, think about it: Ryan f–king Dempster? The guy who couldn’t even stick in the rotation last year? This is our Game 1 starter? How did I learn to trust this man? Really? Alfonso Soriano, for all of his talents, is not a leadoff hitter, no matter what he might think. Kosuke Fukudome, who at least made good contact last night, is not the patient see-everything technician he is supposed to be. Derrek Lee can’t help but ground into double plays. Geovany Soto sees one runner on second and thinks he needs to go yard. Sean Marshall … ugh. Must I go on?

Oh, the fragile psyche of Cubs fans. Whatever. Guilty. I’m not going to be all Paul Newman-strong-silent-type today, or tomorrow, or this weekend. I’m freaked out. There. I said it.