Via Shutdown Corner, the Chicago Tribune reports the Bears, or at least Jay Cutler, are interested in acquiring the services of one Plaxico Burress. Hey, maybe they should give him a “shot.” Hey, maybe the Bears should adopt the “run and shoot” offense. Hey, Plaxico had better watch out, because Cutler can really “gun” it. Hey, Burress’ off-the-field issues could lead to some “blowback.” Hey, I heard that Plaxico Burress “shot himself in the leg.” Hey, “gun gun gun gun gun.”

This danger — the danger of Chicago suffering an epidemic of media fixation on mediocre Plaxico-Burress-shot-himself jokes — is one reason not to sign Burress. Another reason is that Burress is a gamble. He’s capable of being very productive, but given that he’s facing possible prison time, and given that he’s arguably a negative locker room presence, he’s a risk. The Bears now have Jay Cutler at quarterback; what he needs is a solid presence in the receiving corps.

So how about free agent Amani Toomer? He’s not the wide receiver that Burress is, and he’s a few years older, but he’s statistically consistent and a far safer bet. He’s good enough to shake the occasional defender and put himself in Cutler’s line of sight. Granted, he’s probably the more expensive option — his 2008 salary was a little higher than Burress’, and Burress would likely sign at a discount — but again, Cutler’s in town. There’s no pressing need for the Bears to gamble on a playmaker.

Best of all, rather than “self-inflicted gunshot wound” jokes, the city of Chicago can bask in the warm glow of Kindergarten Cop jokes. “IT IS NOT A TOOMER,”  etc., etc.