You know who is sure he did the right thing all but twice? Ozzie Guillen, that’s who:

”The only thing I regret, I don’t think Jose [Contreras] and [Bartolo] Colon were ready enough to help us [out of spring camp].”

I’ll admit it’s nice to see the Sox skipper is a reflective, mea culpa kind of mood that doesn’t involve telling his team what they can do with their college football scores, but with the Sox eyeing, at best, a .500 season, are the decisions to rush Contreras and Colon really the only regrettable moves of 2009?

Not the inexplicable refusal to demote Scott Linebrink to mop-up duty?

Not the psychotic insistence on waiting to pull starters (last Saturday, for example)?

Not the decision to bat DeWayne Wise leadoff and put him in center field despite the fact Wise can’t hit or play center?

Not the perverse obsession with lefty-right matchups that somehow leads to bogus conclusions like “Tony Pena should pitch to Joe Mauer” or “let’s have Brian Anderson pinch-hit against Joakim Soria”?

One on hand, the Contreras/Colon decision was doomed from the start, and in Guillen’s defense both looked deceptively strong out of the gate in Spring Training. On the other hand, it’s odd he would pick the personnel decisions made around two guys now gone from the team as the focal points of whatever missteps he might have made, totally disregarding misguided confidence in starters who were out of gas or (again) claiming a new day of old baseball on the South Side while (again) expecting a lineup of slow mashers to suddenly morph into the 2003 Marlins. As though only Colon and Contreras sank the season. As though the Sox were just a fifth starter away from competing.

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In the South Siders’ continual quest to find Bartolo Colon, Ozzie Guillen gave us a few hints as to where the big man could be. The money quote, if you choose not to hit play on the video:

I worry about Colon because Colon was a big-time Michael Jackson fan. He might (watch) the TV and cry all day long. Maybe he is in LA at his funeral, because I can’t find him. When he gets to Charlotte, Oney will call me to say he’s there.

Nobody knows how big of a Jackson fan Colon was. I’m serious. He might be depressed a little bit.

Guillen later added that Colon has a big entourage, and it’s near impossible to get in touch with him. A recluse if you will … sort of like Michael Jackson.

It all makes so much sense now!

Oh, as of this afternoon, Colon is still MIA. Come home, Bartolo. Come home.

At first glance, this may not seem like that great a signing, considering Bartolo Colon is old (almost 36), oft-injured (back problems limited him to 39 innings last year with the Red Sox), and not quite what he used to be. He’s also one of Ozzie and Kenny’s dreaded “favorites.”

But with no assurance in the back half of rotation as a whole host of youngsters are battling for spots, Colon presents, at the moment, a low-cost, low-risk proven option for the White Sox.

As the Cheat writes:

I haven’t mentioned Colon in this space, but he was second (behind Pedro Martinez) on my own internal list of a low-salary, low-risk, high-reward type of pitchers available on the free agent market. I have mentioned a few times that the Sox were in need of someone to fill the ‘05 Orlando Hernandez role of old, good-when-healthy pitcher who can keep a spot in the rotation warm for the return of Jose Contreras or the eventual rise of Aaron Poreda.

Yes, Colon will most likely get injured in ‘09. But he’s a far better pitcher (when healthy) than [Starter Candidate 5], and any move that pushes [Starter Candidate 5] farther down the depth chart is a good move in my book.

Robothal is reporting the deal will be for one year and incentive-laden, so again: it’s likely low cost to start, and if Colon shows his old ways and is somewhat serviceable, it’s a win-win situation for both parties.