With Bobby Jenks going the way of the rest of the 2009 White Sox season - large, slow, injured, finished - the real fun now turns to playing everyone’s favorite game: What’s next?

Jenks has long been the subject of trade rumors (anyone remember when he was headed to the Mets?) but with the star closer due for a raise this winter and the Sox already committing gobs of money elsewhere, history suggests the Good Guys suddenly have to make a very important decision. Never one to shy away from wild guesses and weird ideas, allow me to be your guide into the future:

Scenario A: The Sox just make it easy and give the man his money.

Now this would just make sense, wouldn’t it? Everyone wants to say Matt Thornton could be a closer, but Thornton, a 32-year-old power pitcher, would not be a long-term solution nor would there even be any reason to think his 8th-inning greatness would automatically translate into 9th-inning dominance; this would be like saying that, because he can play left field, Scott Podsednik can also play center. Which he can’t. And because Pods is not a true center fielder, the Sox should therefore offer Jenks a new deal.

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On Saturday, Bobby Jenks threw behind Ian Kinsler in retaliation for the last time the Sox played the Rangers, and more than a fair share of South Siders got plunked by Texas’s pitchers. But, Bobby made sure not to actually hit the dude, because it was a 3-2 game in the ninth, and that would have been a bad idea to put a runner on base in such a situation.

As you may have heard, Jenks admitted that yup, he did throw behind Kinsler in an effort to protect his teammates. It was refreshing because this rarely happens; a pitcher usually just plays dumb in such a scenario. Good on ya, Bobby.

But see, even though he didn’t hit Kinsler and really had no intentions of doing so, it seems that because Bobby was so candid in his response, the league is reviewing the matter — which likely would not have happened had Jenks kept quiet about it.

“I’ll not do it (throw behind a batter) again, but if there’s something on my mind, yeah, I’ll say it,” said Jenks, who said Monday he hadn’t been contacted by MLB. “But again, I wasn’t trying to hit him. If they’ll investigate that, they’ll see that. It wasn’t a dirty pitch. It wasn’t up. It was right at his butt. That’s all I can say.”

Let this be a lesson to you kids out there: Lie at all costs.

Bobby Jenks is awesome. Awesome because he’s pretty much Eastbound and Down’s Kenny Powers. (Am I the only one that wasn’t particularly impressed with this show? I feel like I’m the only one not gushing about how brilliant it is/was.)

Let’s think about this:

1) Like Powers, he’s had a fastball clocked at over 100 MPH, drives a truck and has southern sensibilities.

2) Like Powers, his drinking has gotten him into a wee bit of trouble. In the minors with the Angels, it was reported Jenks brought beer onto the team bus, and he was once suspended for a bar fight.

3) Like Powers, he is prone to say great stuff.

Like, for instance, this recent Q&A session with the Sporting News:

What I’m reading: Read? I don’t even read the newspaper.

Favorite physical attribute about myself: I have a nice butt.

Dream date: My wife — just because she’ll read this

My hero: Roger Clemens

Bobby Jenks doesn’t read, and loves his butt. His hero is also Roger Clemens. Did I mention Bobby Jenks is awesome? Because Bobby Jenks is awesome.

Link via SbB.

The cowbell holds a special place in pop culture history. (I put my pants on just like the rest of you — one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records.)

It’s caused countless high school and college kids to utter “more cowbell!” in an attempt to prove they were “hip” and “with it.” And, more recently, it’s also become a cheering device for the Tampa Bay Rays. Which, in turn, has really annoyed White Sox closer Bobby Jenks.

”Dumbest thing I ever saw,” he said Sunday of the fans’ rallying tactic. ”Just annoying. Minor league.”

But the Sox’ ”rolling blackout promotion” for fans Sunday at U.S. Cellular Field?

”Whoever came up with that idea is a genius,” Jenks said. ”It brings electricity to us and excites 25 players.”

This is sort of like arguing your Pinto is better than your annoying next door neighbor’s El Camino.