Adam Schefter has reported that the Bills need to trade Terrell Owens. Although, in fairness, he’s not necessarily “reporting” this, because he put it on  Rumor Central at ESPN. Yet, it’s actually a fact: the Bills stink (BADLY) and if they can get anything back for a talented, albeit temperamental and aging, wide receiver who’s signed to a one-year deal, well, they should.

So, yeah — Schefter isn’t saying the Bills are trying to trade Owens, just that they should. And one of the teams he thinks that TO should go to? Da Bears.

Of course, as Andrew Sharp points out at SBNation, this sent everyone and their brother within 100 miles of Chicago  into a Google frenzy worthy of Two Girls, One Cup. It’s not surprising, of course: whenever someone like Schefter mentions this possibility, people with any sort of access to a computer start Googling away, usually ending up on LALATE because of some SEO-driven slug instead of actually finding worthwhile information.

But I digress. The point here is Owens is not likely to be traded; Schefter readily admits that while mentioning that the Bears would only be a “good fit” for Owens were he to be traded. Which, coupled with the fact that the Bears gave away most of their valuable trade items when they landed Cutler, means it’s unlikely to go down.

Not that it wouldn’t be awesome — it totally would rule to see Owens actually happy again, catching balls behind an offensive line that wasn’t made out of plywood and duct tape* and making Trent Edwards’ life more miserable. But it’s probably not happening. So either close that window in your browser or just spend the rest of your afternoon trying to trade for Johnny Knox. Or watching porn. Or something other than Googling “TO TO TEH BEARS.”

*May actually be a compliment to the Bills o-line

Anyone watching football yesterday knows two obvious things: 1) Terrell Owens improves the Bills passing attack. 2) Tony Romo is less effective without Owens.

Now, the second part wasn’t immediately obvious after Week 1 because Romo looked awesome against a hapless Bucs team (admittedly, yes, the same hapless Bucs team that Owens and Lee Evans scored against), but it was obvious yesterday on Sunday Night Football as Romo laid an egg against the Giants during the opening for the Cowboys’ new stadium.

Naturally, TO had something to say about the whole affair. Well, kind of — I’m assuming that a “retweet” does count as “saying something” right? (Because it should.)

RT @mcgowanboi: @terrellowens Dallas just found out they had a T.R. problem not a T.O problem !!

TO let that hang out there for a few hours before offering up a fake-sounding, albeit apologetic, tweet of his own:

Look, I’m nt gonna say anything bad about the cowboys, I hate tht sum of my boys played hard & they lost! Hope my boy MB is ok!! Nite!

OK, let’s just move on from the whole “Romo v. Owens” thing, as well as the Cowboys issues with their QB  — these are obvious; we don’t need to discuss them — and focus on whether a retweet counts as Owens actually saying something, because I tend to think that’s the issue at stake here, right? (For those Twitter illiterate: A retweet essentially means you are re-broadcasting what someone else already said on the service. In this case, @mcgowanboi said that line to TO, and then TO retweeted it for all his followers to see.)

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Jay Cutler was underwhelming.

Even if there weren’t already high expectations placed upon him, Jay Cutler looked weak. The numbers: 5-for-10, 64 yards, 1 INT. It should have been two interceptions. Cutler threw a ball right in Reggie Corner’s numbers, but he dorked and dropped it.

If this becomes a repeated pattern in the preseason, there’s cause for concern. As it stands right now, this is but one game, and it’s the first game. And it’s the preseason. Patience and perspective, people.

Cutler and Hester.

Cutler’s only interception of the night came on a ball he tossed downfield about 40 yards to Devin Hester. It was a bad throw; Hester didn’t have much chance at getting the ball because his momentum was taking him the other way. Yet, when asked about it, Cutler said this:

“You know, Devin is more of a go-get-it guy, he’s not really a back shoulder, or jump up and get it,” said Cutler. “You learn from it. We made some mistakes. It’s the first preseason game, luckily enough we have some time to correct them and keep going.”

As I wrote last week, if Cutler starts to call out teammates, it’s valid for people to start to address his candor and attitude. This quote seems to be a small inkling of that demeanor critics weren’t thrilled with in Denver. David Haugh discusses this at length today in the Tribune.

Other problems.

Besides Cutler’s performance, don’t forget this: the Bears’ corner/defensive backfield was nothing to write home about. Charles Tillman is still out with his back injury. Zack Bowman is injured, too. As such, the Bills literally feasted on the Bears in the passing game: Trent Edwards connected on all 10 passes he threw. Ryan Fitzpatrick completed 13 of the 16 passes he tossed. For a team that allowed the most passes in the league last year, this is not an encouraging sign.

The NFL is coming quick, kiddies. Yesterday, the Titans and Bills squared off in the Hall of Fame game. The Titans prevailed 21-18. And how did six of those points get put up on the board?

A.J. Trapasso, he of first ever NFL game status, busted out an absurd fake punt. I couldn’t even tell what happened until the last replay here, which shows off a well-executed, behind-the-back fake.

Watch and learn:

Here it is, friends. Photo comes via a friend of a friend. Don’t miss the sweet visor! Also, as Brinson pointed out via Gchat, James Hardy was No. 81 for the Bills last year. Looks like he gave it up for Owens, a guy with a one-year deal.

Come on, James. Stand up for yourself. Indiana Hoosiers 4 eva.

Hey, sometimes you just have to do it. You know, “it.” I’m talking about s-e-x, people. You could be on a plane, the back seat of your parent’s car, sitting at your cubicle, at your grandma’s funeral … sometimes, that mood just strikes, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

There is a problem with some of this, though. The law could come after you.

The call came out early in the third quarter Sunday to investigate numerous complaints of a commotion in a ladies’ restroom across from Section 336 in Ralph Wilson Stadium.

[ ... ]

It didn’t take security officers long to figure out the cause of what police later called a “public disturbance” in the restroom.

A woman, law enforcement officials said Monday, was having sex with her boyfriend in a bathroom stall.

The couple was arrested, two of 37 people arrested at the stadium by Orchard Park police and Erie County sheriff’s deputies before, during and after Sunday’s Bills-Jets game.

Whatever. I’m sure it was worth it.

(Gracias, Sports by Brooks.)