… because why not?

And no, it doesn’t look like he actually is playing that guitar around his neck. Because it isn’t even plugged in. This performance was like a glorified Rock Band song. Preach.

Forgot to mention this earlier, but early Saturday evening, Greg Olsen and Jay Cutler joined Chad Ochocinco for a nice little dinner at Morton’s in Cincinnati. Then he ate them for lunch on Sunday. (Zing!)

Ochocinco immortalized the meal with this photo on Twitter:

Apparently, Cutler was the only one that got the tie memo.

Most of us were first made aware of the Lambeau Leap through NFL commercials, in which Donald Driver or Dorsey Levens or somebody leaps into the end zone in slow motion while whoever narrates for NFL Films these days exhorts us to purchase NFL Sunday Ticket. (Which we do, and we’re rewarded with unlimited access to live footage of, say, Brodie Croyle or Koy Detmer pegging his wide receiver in the back of the helmet. What a cruel sham.) It’s a tradition that I wish would catch on with the rest of the league, in part because I’d love to see the Lions’ Calvin Johnson make the Ford Field leap, find himself sitting in one of the sea of empty seats, drum his fingers on his knees for a few moments, and gingerly try to climb back down the wall without rolling an ankle.

Chad Ochocinco is doing his part to broaden the definition of the Lambeau Leap. He’s proclaiming that if he scores a touchdown in Green Bay this Sunday, he’ll leap into the stands. He could very well suffer some physical abuse at the hands of the Packers faithful, but at least he’ll be wearing protective equipment since he’s playing football. Which, of course, is what this is all about.

The only fault I find with Ochocinco’s methods is that he thinks it necessary to advertise the stunt beforehand. Even though the Bengals and Packers aren’t natural rivals, I wouldn’t be surprised if Green Bay’s end zone ticket holders are preparing defenses of their own. At least, though, the crowd will be ready for him.

Every year, a new Madden game is released. And every year, at least two things happen. 1) I purchase the game and then don’t get the full value out of it because I end up not playing it enough. And 2) several athletes complain about the fact that they are not rated high enough in the video game.

This year, that athlete is T.J. Houshmandzadeh. “Teej” (if you will — and you will, because I’m not writing Houshmandazdeh 30 times in the next several hundred words) is so cheesed off, in fact, that he’s going to boycott the game until EA Sports fixes his rating, according to an interview he had with everyone’s fav shockjock, Colin Cowherd.

“I understand I averaged 10 yards a catch, but it’s the offense, not me. I’m not playing Madden no more until they get my rating right. … I used to be the best in the world at Madden. I’m going to miss not playing it, but until they do me right, I’m not playing it any more.”

How did they do Teej an injustice? Well, they ranked him — *gasp* — a 91 overall. What exactly does that mean? Well, it means he’s just as good as Terrell Owens.

And not as good as the following people: Larry Fitzgerald, Andre Johnson, Steve Smith, Randy Moss, Reggie Wayne, Anquan Boldin, Roddy White, Brandon Marshall, Calvin Johnson and TO. Which, for the most part, seems pretty fair.

Keep reading →

So, until this week, the NFL had yet to set any parameters on in-game tweets. Twitter’s cultural explosion came after the season commenced, and since the majority of NFL players on the platform didn’t join till your mom decided to try it out when she updated once with “Testing out this Twitter thing for the first time … not sure I get it!” and proceeded to never update again, it wasn’t an issue last season.

But it’s an issue this season. As Will wrote Tuesday, Chad Ocho Cinco said he was going to tweet during  games this season, and then an NFL official said the League is going to look into that one. Well, the NFL sat on it for a day or so, and has cited an pre-existing rule to ban it.

PFT has the details:

This morning, NFL spokesman Greg Aiello advised us of the league’s position.

“We already have a rule that prohibits the use of cell phones or other handheld devices in the bench area during games,” Aiello told us via e-mail.

But, do you think this will stop Chad Oco Cinco? This will not stop Chad Ocho Cinco. For instance:

I give him till Week 4 to pull this stunt.

Twitter is a cool phenomenon for fans of sports in the sense that we get to interact with athletes who were previously untouchable. It’s awesome that media barriers have been broken down, blahblahblah, and that we are finally just 140 characters away from the tingling excitement of talking with our heroes.

Enter Chad Ochocinco Javon Walker Johnson … or whatever he’s calling himself these days. No. 85 embraced Twitter like no other athlete before him (even Shaq, folks) and why not? If you’re famous, it’s the ultimate way in which to build up tiny little blocks of self esteem each day via the Internet.

Of course, the natural progression was for Chad to begin Tweeting during games. Wait — no it’s not. But that’s what he’s trying to do anyway.

It’s big for me and I’m taking it a step further. I have my own application coming out where people will be able to interact and follow me. You know more than through just the keyboard and reading my messages - you’ll actually be able to follow me and when the season starts, it’s going to get even worse. I’m going to really make it fun. I’m using Twitter during games, during halftime, after the games. I’m going to be taking it to the next level.

Now, pardon me for being negative here, Chad, but I’d be willing to bet that Roger Goodell will have some super-fantastic, authoritative way of telling you “Hells to the no” on that whole “tweeting from the sidelines” thing; there’s zero chance that he’s going to give Ochocinco a chance to tell the world what he’s planning on doing for a touchdown celebration moments before he takes the field.

Besides, if he allowed Twitter on the field, that would open up a terrifyingly huge can of worms. And naturally, the league has already spoken! Via PFT, the NFL states that they will “look into that one.”

Keep reading →

Chad Ochocinco is, at this point, well past the proverbial dorsal fin in terms of being “interesting” or “relevant.” His offseason shenanigans so far this year, too, have been the very definition of weak sauce compared to last year’s ridiculousness.

At least it appears that way until you hear that Thursday night, Ochocinco called up his old teammate T.J. Houshmandzadeh and lamented the fact that he couldn’t get traded. Except by “lamented” I mean “cried like a little baby.”

“Chad Johnson called me today. Crying. He wonders why everyone can get traded but him.”

Seriously, that’s what Housh said on the NFL Network on Friday. The irony, of course, is that Ochocinco is doing the very thing that makes him untradeable — crying. He’s a whiny, self-involved showboat and his production has tailed off recently (albeit with Ryan Fitzpatrick under center). Teams don’t want him because he’s a pain to deal with and nearly every one of his touchdowns results in a 15-yard penalty.

The reality is that Ochocinco/Johnson will continue to be off the trading market until he not only improves his play, but also his attitude. His talent alone forces the Bengals to command more than he’s actually worth. Oh, and also, he’s a BIG BABY. Hey, everybody, look at the BIG BABY. (Sorry, I still DVR “Seinfeld.”)