Last night, Joe Buck hosted Curt Schilling on “Joe Buck Live.” Were you watching? No? Neither was I! I’d say it’s because I had work to do, but even if I didn’t, you couldn’t pay me any amount of money to watch “Joe Buck Live.” I would literally rather sit over my roommate’s shoulder and watch him do an investment banking model in Excel. It might as well be Chinese to me, but it’s less painful than Joe Buck.

Of course, in my haste to dismiss Joe Buck and Curt Schilling on one stage for ONE NIGHT ONLY, I missed the quote of the year. It’s unfiltered truth like this that makes Curt Schilling a lock to be a Massachusetts Senator one day:

“I think the country is sick and tired of elected officials beholden to special interests,” Schilling said. “I think we’re at a time and a place where we’re voting for the lesser of two evils instead of the best candidate.”

That’s an awesome quote, Curt Schilling. Way to go. Not only did you manage to use the most tired, shopworn, boring political cliche of all-time, but you managed to use a tired, shopworn, boring political cliche that hasn’t been relevant since 2000. Not sure if you noticed, Curt, but in the past decade or so, we as a country have figured out pretty quickly that votes do matter, that candidates are different, that the trajectory of the country can take very obvious, life-and-death forks in the road based on who is elected to federal office. And I’m not just talking about George W. Bush, even though he was the initial recipient of the both-candidates-are-the-same-meme that eight years later managed to look entirely foolish.

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At 42 years of age, Curt Schilling is a bit old to still pitch a baseball professionally. He’s also currently nursing himself back into shape from shoulder surgery. But, Schilling is also the type of guy that’s preformed well on the grand stage: He was the World Series MVP in 2001 with the Diamondbacks. And, of course, who could forget the bloody sock incident in Game 6 of the 2004 ALCS. Also, Schiling pwned n00bs as Scythehands Voxslayer in Everquest, so that should be taken into account. Actually, that’s pretty much the most important thing you could know about Schilling. Ever.

But yeah, if Schilling decides to come back this year and hook onto a team midseason, he would like to do so for the Cubs or the Rays.

I have said to no one, including myself, that I am definitely coming back, because it’s not true. However if I did, the Cubs, and Tampa, were they to need a starting pitcher for the 2nd half of the season and into October, would be 2 situations I’d be very interested in.

Clearly, this is anything but a done deal. Schilling might not even come back, and who knows if the Cubs are even going to need his services then. But, Lou Piniella is intrigued. And if the Cubs have trouble filling that fifth starter’s spot and Jake Peavy somehow falls through their grasp, Curt Schilling, a guy that’s proven he can win in the postseason, might prove to be a nice option for them.

By way of Josh Alper over at FanHouse, we have learned that former Major Leaguer and current insanity enthusiast Lenny Dykstra says he is pitching a video game idea to Curt Schilling. In case you aren’t aware, Schilling owns a video game company by the name of 38 Studios. At this point, no details of this proposed game are to be found, but I present to you a beyond-the-scenes look at what Dykstra’s game could look like.

TO: Curt Schilling
CC: (none)
FROM: Lenny Dykstra
SUBJECT: MY KICK ASS VIDEO GAME IDEA

Dear Curt,

Hello and welcome to my e-mail. I have an idea for a video game. It will be so awesome that it will probably make you barf. So grab a bucket or a cup. Or a bowl. Actually there is a number of things you could barf into. Here is the opening screen:

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