Posts Tagged Failed Attempts At Musical Criticism

August 10th, 2009

T-Pain’s Dolphins Song Destined To Be Lampooned In Year 2029

By Ryan Corazza

So, T-Pain is penning penned (UPDATE: via KSK, song after the jump; my argument still stands, though people are already ripping it now; no true video … yet) a song for the Dolphins. He’s apparently a big fan. Via the Miami Herald, here are some of the lyrics:

Miami has the Dolphins, the greatest football team. We take the ball from goal to goal like no one’s ever seen. We’re in the air, we’re on the ground, we’re always in control. And when you say Miami, you’re talking Super Bowl!’

I suppose we can also refer to these “lyrics” as “lies, damn lies.” But it’s their fight song he revamped, and all fight songs are like that. Anyway, my argument here is not against the quality of the lyrics or the song in question; it’s that I have little doubt this tune will work in the cultural context of 2009 — heavy auto-tune, an insanely catchy chorus — but is destined to become a “Let’s Ram It,” or “Baseball Boogie,” a rap song the ‘86 Dodgers did with satin jackets, or “Can’t Touch This” another Dolphins song, or the “Super Bowl Shuffle.”

In short, it’s going to do a horrible job at standing the test of time. The lyrics are lame. Look at the way the man dresses. This has all the characteristics of a song/video that sports bloggers are going to latch onto in 20 years — if we still exist and aren’t replaced by robots — and be all like: “Remember that guy T-Pain? I’m too young to recall the height of his career, but here’s a goofy video/song he did about the Dolphins in 2009. Look at how ridiculous this looks! LOLZ. The early 2000s were so weird.”

It will serve no purpose, really. Sort of like this post.

Via MJD.

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