Years ago, I teamed up with the other Dugout guys to put together a list of the worst Halloween costumes we could think of. It’s one of the most ridiculous things we’ve done, which is why it holds a special place in my heart. To follow, a short list of the best (worst) selections from the list.

A 56k MODEM
Go to someone’s front door and ring the bell. They open the door and see a kid in a cardboard box with two eyeholes. Wait 4-6 minutes and say “trick or treat.” Receive the candy, wait another 4-6 minutes and say “thank you.”

DON ZIMMER
Dress in proper Yankee attire, and then dive head first through each person’s front door. Bonus points if it’s glass.

AUTO CARE SUPERCENTER
I tried many a time, but the logistics and physical properties of such an undertaking deem it impossible. An auto care supercenter must be properly stocked and equipped to respond to a diverse range of automotive consumer needs – everything from oil filters, to tires, to windshield wiper fluid. Few people realize this before attempting to wear an “auto care supercenter” costume.

WINDOWS
Create several 2′x4′ cards with various error messages. When someone says they “do not understand” hand them a copy of “Windows for Dummies” and just wait to get candy.

MARIO DRESSED AS A HAMBURGER
Holy s***, did you see that thing? F***in’ A.

Keep reading →