Really, he doesn’t. Watch this goal from last night’s 4-0 win over the Lightning in which Hossa gloves a puck, drops it in front of him and connects his stick with it before it hits the ice for a score:

Don’t act like you’re not impressed.

Remember when the Hawks put up an amazing season, reached the Western Conference Finals and spread good will towards men? Yeah, me too.

This offseason has been a little different. There was Dale Tallon’s mailing mishap, then his “reassignment.” There was Marty Havlat’s war of words with the team. And now? The ridiculous Marian Hossa contract is being investigated by the NHL.

Basically, since the dude is 30 years old and the Hawks signed him to a front-loaded 12-year contract (!!!), the NHL wants to know whether or not the Hawks are trying to scoot around salary cap concerns. Hossa’s deal was for $62.8 million: $7.9 million for seven seasons; $4 million for two years; $1 million for one year;  a scant $750,000 for the last two years. The NHL takes the average of your salary against the cap. So even though Hossa is only set to make $750,000 in each of the last two years of his deal, he’d count as a $5.23 million contract, just as he will next season, when he stands to make $7.9 million.

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So the Blackhawks sign a big, splashy offseason free agent. His name, as a pirate would say, be Marian Hossa. Marian Hossa is good at hockey. It’s all good, right?

Of course not. This is the Blackhawks, and you can’t have a surprise run to the Western Conference Finals and a splashy offseason without a little nonsense to go along with it. First was the sundry front office goofs that eventually led to Dale Tallon losing his GM position, a goof in itself, actually. Tallon may or may not have deserved to be fired, but the way the organization handled was pretty lacking. Then there was the Martin Havlat stuff, which, again, maybe not the front office’s fault, but not exactly emblematic of a deft public relations touch, either.

And now there’s this: Marian Hossa, the big signing that was supposed to have made all this craziness worthwhile, is probably out until December with a shoulder injury. Awesome!

Really, that’s only two months of the season, and the Hawks should be able to cope without Hossa. But it is yet another little pockmark on the Hawks’ new front office. Did they even give Hossa a physical? Did they know about any shoulder woes before signing him to that insane 12-year contract? If I flick my Toews bobblehead, and it answers “yes” to these questions, can I move on in psychosomatic denial?

Thank goodness for bobblehead friends. They make the world so much easier.

Where we were at yesterday: Marty Havlat called out John McDonough, saying Dale Tallon and McDonough were the ones negotiating his future with the team. He also called McDonough jealous of all Tallon’s success. Rawr!

This morning, McDonough went on The Score 670 with Matt Spiegel and Barry Rozner and responded to some of Havlat’s accusations (via):

Where that came from, I have no idea. I have never talked to Marty Havlat or his agent about a contract extension. I empower people to make those decisions. So again, I mentioned this at the press conference, for anyone to intimate or infer that I, a civilian, would be making decisions on Marian Hossa over Marty Havlat, it’s preposterous.

Fair enough. But it doesn’t address Havlat’s claim: he didn’t insinuate that McDonough and Havlat’s agent were doing the negotiating on a contract, just that it was between McDonough and Tallon on his future with the team. If Havlat is to be believed, it’s obvious where McDonough stood: he preferred Hossa, and wanted Havlat out the door. Yet, McDonough is stating he doesn’t make any player decisions at all. Hmm. There’s a lot of talk here, and it’s not quite lining up. At this point, I suppose people will believe whom they want to believe, and we’ll all move onward.

One guy that isn’t talking much? Dale Tallon. He’s simply stating he’s “very fortunate” to still be with the team and working to make them Stanley Cup champs.

I think they call that the high road, son.

UPDATE: According to ESPN, the Hawks signed Marian Hossa to a 12-year deal worth 5.2 million a year.

The Blackhawks’ major offseason issue is re-signing winger Martin Havlat, who was arguably their best player in the up-from-youth surprise season of 2008-09. Havlat is a smart, smooth player and his passing is among the best in the league. And I’m writing this like I’m an advance scout for the Red Wings. If you’re reading this, then you already know: Marty Havlat is good at hockey, and the Blackhawks should re-sign him.

The Blackhawks seem to agree. They texted Havlat all day yesterday as he and his agent negotiated contract terms with the Blackhawks front office; Havlat signaled his appreciation via Twitter.

That is, unless they sign Marian Hossa. According to this very brief report at NHL.com, the former Penguins and Red Wings right winger is close to a deal with the Blackhawks. Hossa signed for $7.45 million with the Red Wings last season and was a key part of that team’s run to the Stanley Cup (and their eventual loss to the Penguins; awkward) so it can be reasonably assumed he’ll want something similar this season. He’s already turned down an eight year, $32 million deal from the Red Wings. He will be pricey.

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