One has to hand it to Mark Cuban. Usually when celebrities make an appearance on “WWE Monday Night Raw,” they aren’t getting thrown through a table.

But there Cuban was at the end of Raw last night getting just that done to him by The Celtic Warrior — Sheamus O’Shaughnessy.*

*I happened to watch this live last night — don’t judge! — and I have an observation/question: is professional wrestling the only entertainment medium that can get away with sustained lulls in action anymore? Most other TV doesn’t do it. Movies don’t do it. The Internet certainly doesn’t do it.

But the entire last scene with Cuban in which he moderated a press conference between The Celtic Warrior — who is a horrific stereotype with an even worse fake accent — and Jon Cena lasted 20 minutes or so. Yet, I swear this thing could have been cut in half if the audience didn’t have to sit through long pauses in words and action while Cena was just staring and staring and staring at The Celtic Warrior, and vice versa. Professional wresting is essentially a staring contest with monologues and fake fighting occasionally thrown in. Add in The Celtic Warrior lurking and posturing around the ring for a bit while Cuban and Cena lay on the ground, and it’s like the “sport” is playing the ultimate joke on us: we know it’s staged, we know what’s going to happen, we know when there were tables in the ring for the press conference and Cena and the Warriorbro were talking about their upcoming table match, that the tables were going to be used.

But it takes so long to get there, it’s like you’re listening to someone tell the long version of a bad joke in which you already know the punchline.

Um, so, yeah, anyway: here’s the video. Please do enjoy.

Mark Cuban penned a blog post about the media. It’s two quick-hitters, so we could really just skip talking about it and move along to something else. Except for the fact that he said something that is really — and pardon my lack of couth, Cubes — stupid.

That is to say, he believes that blogs who engage in blatant rumormongering for the purpose of driving traffic should be blacklisted by ESPN. This makes no sense on a number of levels. But first, Cubes’ quote, for the proper context (emphasis his).

Unfortunately, ESPN and local newspapers, radio and TV media have become the patsies of bloggers. If some random blogger reports that “he has heard that a trade of Joe for John is being discussed”, then the traditional media, as they have told me many times “is requested by their editor to run it down and see if its real”. Its almost like a sad joke. How do you make an ESPN reporter jump ? Make up something and put it on your blog. Somewhere a bunch of sports bloggers are playing a drinking game. Chug if the other guys made up trade rumor makes the ESPN crawl.

(Quick aside: at least there wasn’t a pantless joke in there somewhere. Drunk frat guy stereotypes are fine. But pantless losers covered in meatloaf crumbs? NO. SIR.) Anyway, I’m not sure what got Cuban so fired up about this topic, but I’m kind of surprised he came with the angle that he did.

First of all, if you’re going to criticize bloggers for speculating, then what do you do with the mainstream media? (As always, an outdated term, but necessary for this argument.) Do you allow them to run rampant, just because they have “sources” and “a history of breaking news”? Because if that’s the case, then ESPN needs to fire — God bless him, he’s great on Twitter, but he’s still not right more than 12 percent of the time — Chris Mortensen right now.

Keep reading →

If someone wrongs you, you can sue them. That’s the basic (and beautiful!) tenant of American society. However, when that someone is a government entity, things get a little bit trickier. Unless you’re Mark Cuban and have giant juevos and decide to sue the SEC.

As you’ll recall, the SEC got all up in Cubes’ bid-ness recently when they thought that he was getting shady with some insider trading over Mamma.com stock. Cuban didn’t really appreciate that, and as the WSJ reports, the inspector general of the SE  has now opened up a case as to how his employer handled their investigation into Cuban’s actions.

“We appreciate the role of inspectors general in highlighting areas that may need improvement,” said an SEC spokesman. “In fact, we have concurred with most of the recommendations stemming from the completed audits cited in the semiannual report and are implementing them as appropriate.”

What the spokesman didn’t say is, “You know what? Yeah. Maybe we did screw up and mess with Cubes on this one. Big deal, right? You know who we’re going to blame it on? Bush and Chaney. Boom. Roasted.” Because that’s the truth — this was pre-Obama and, whether we like it or not, there’s any number of scapegoats to be had from that era.

Keep reading →

Mark Cuban created a total ish-storm when he allegedly told Kenyon Martin’s mom that her son was a “punk” after Denver took a 3-0 series lead over Dallas in a highly controversial ending to Game 3. Cuban later denied the actual “punk” comment, although he did admit that he said something.

As a result, Mavericks fans have been heckling K-Mart’s mom and, as a result of that, Cuban has issued an apology. On his blog, of course.

So at this point I would like to apologize to you and your mom KMart for my comment. I should have not said anything and I was wrong. Hopefully you will accept the apology and we can move on.

When the series comes back to Dallas, your family, and the family of other Nuggets players are welcome to stay in my suite, with my family. Its amazing how tempers mellow when real people talk to each other and realize that its still just a game.

OK, this will work out awesomely in one of two ways: the Cubans and the Martins will either become hated enemies and totally rumble, causing an Artest-like spill out from the owner’s box into the stands of American Airlines Arena (I think that’s really the best scenario from a blogger’s perspective, right?); Cuban and the Martins will get along and this thing will just go away (not a terrible option given this storyline will be completely stale in another few days); or things are just straight up awkward the whole game as Cuban fistpumps in K-Mart’s mom’s face while his brother Twit-pics it. Either way, this is going to end up being fun for the rest of us.

The news that Barack Obama appointed Dan Rooney as the American Irish Ambassador is all over the Googlez today, as it should be.

After all, it is St. Patrick’s Day. And Rooney is the owner of the Pittsburgh Steelers. And Barack Obama is hip and cool and happening! Anyway, the traditional route here would be to say, “Wow! What a great and cool choice blahblahblah.” But that’s been done like a hundred times today.

Instead, how about another list of sports-related people and what countries I’d like to seem them appointed to. If you’re really lucky, Jon Bois will do this tomorrow, only funnier!

• Michael Phelps … Jamaica — Too obvious? Too corny? Or just “How High”? (/Redman’d)
• John Daly … Scotland — Because it’ll get him out of our hair, they won’t give a crap how much he drinks and there has to be a golf tour he can avoid getting kicked off of. Downside: no Hooters.
• Mark Cuban … Cuba — An “it’s in the name” joke could be appropriate here, but, really, who better to turn around a sputtering country stuck in its ways than the guy who made the Mavericks relevant again?

Keep reading →

The full story is here, but I’ll sum up the sequence of events for you.

1. The Nuggets’ J.R. Smith throws an elbow at the Mavericks’ Antoine Wright.
2. Mavericks owner Mark Cuban takes umbrage. He is caught on television mouthing an obscenity at Smith, but maintains that he was “cordial.”
3. After the game, J.R. Smith offers Cuban an autographed pair of shoes, which Cuban declines.

No idea why Smith, who apparently was trying to make a goodwill gesture, opted not to simply speak with him after the game and clear things up. What is a billionaire like Cuban going to do with a pair of signed shoes? Incidentally, Smith’s gift ranks on the list of “Most Awkward Gifts That J.R. Smith Could Possibly Have Given To Mark Cuban”:

• A copy of Norton Antivirus
• Galoshes
• T-shirt with this screen-printed on front and back
• One’s own shoes, autographed
• Three and a half bags full of landscaping pebbles from Home Depot (one of the bags has a rip in the bottom and was leaking pebbles, but they put some tape over it, but it looks like it still might give way)
• Framed panorama photograph of city neither person has ever been to
• Handwritten book of recipes that you clearly spent a lot of time putting together, but like, who doesn’t know how to make a grilled-cheese sandwich
• Seven-year-old issue of Sports Illustrated with all the pictures of Anna Kournikova crudely torn out of it
• Commentary tracks for season three of “Home Improvement,” ripped from DVD and burned to CD-R
• Flask that reeks of Kool-Aid

Mark Cuban is already out of the running for Cubs owner. We already know that much. But, despite complete, utter and total financial destruction across the entire country, it appears that there actually could be a winner announced soon in the silent auction that is being held for the Chicago Cubs. (Despite what Ryan said at the end of his last post.)

That’s right. Pretty soon we get to find out what owner will be making an early October press conference to say he’s not disappointed with the team’s performance in the first round of the playoffs and he has big hopes for 2010.

Tribune Co., owner of the Chicago Cubs, is close to selecting a winning bid for the team from three finalists, according to people familiar with the sales talks.

Three prospective buyers made offers for the franchise at the end of November: Chicago real estate investor Hersch Klaff; the Ricketts family, founders of online brokerage TD Ameritrade Holding Corp.; and a group led by Marc Utay, a New York private-equity investor who grew up in Chicago.

But, unfortunately, it’s not quite that simple. See, apparently there are a few “bad” scenarios here for whoever might “win.” First of all, the Trib Co. can still yank the Cubs off the table. Just ’cause they want to, which seems totally fair.

Keep reading →