In the South Siders’ continual quest to find Bartolo Colon, Ozzie Guillen gave us a few hints as to where the big man could be. The money quote, if you choose not to hit play on the video:

I worry about Colon because Colon was a big-time Michael Jackson fan. He might (watch) the TV and cry all day long. Maybe he is in LA at his funeral, because I can’t find him. When he gets to Charlotte, Oney will call me to say he’s there.

Nobody knows how big of a Jackson fan Colon was. I’m serious. He might be depressed a little bit.

Guillen later added that Colon has a big entourage, and it’s near impossible to get in touch with him. A recluse if you will … sort of like Michael Jackson.

It all makes so much sense now!

Oh, as of this afternoon, Colon is still MIA. Come home, Bartolo. Come home.

Just like everyone else who isn’t dead inside, I really enjoy end zone celebrations. It’s hilarious to observe sportswriters and commentators get angry when Randy Moss faux-moons the crowd or Chad Johnson performs CPR on a football. I’m guessing that everyone will have the same reaction to this one, though: confusion.

Last night, Toronto Argos receiver Arland Bruce ran in for a touchdown. Then he ripped off his helmet, jersey, and shoulder pads, laid down in the endzone, closed his eyes, and crossed his arms. This is the strange part:

Bruce said he was honoring the memory of Michael Jackson by pretending to be buried.

Is … what is this? Is this irony? If a player wants to do an end zone celebration that pays tribute to Michael Jackson, the obvious solution is to Moonwalk. Can’t Moonwalk? It’s hard, don’t feel bad. Just do the Thriller dance or something. He gave you plenty of fodder when he was alive; there’s no need to impersonate his corpse. As if someone watching on television would wistfully take a sip of beer and think, “Yep … that was Michael Jackson for you. Always bein’ buried.”

Furthermore, I’m not sure why he thought his “dead Michael Jackson” impression would be any more authentic without half his uniform. “No, guys, you don’t get it! Michael Jackson would never be buried while wearing a jersey and football helmet! He didn’t even play football!”

Of course, this isn’t weird because it’s macabre or disrespectful or anything like that. This is weird because it doesn’t make a damn bit of sense. Look for him to pay a special end zone tribute to Farrah Fawcett next week by … I don’t know, drinking a glass of water?

Bulls forward Tyrus Thomas will be checking in periodically. All of his blog entries can be viewed here. Bookmark it, and check back often.

It’s been a while and a good bit has happened since the last blog. The Lakers won the Championship, I went home to check on the kids in my retention program, C.A.T.C.H., I got another tattoo which will be on Mouthpiecesports.com’s TattooU (as soon as I get up with Mitch), the NBA draft and the world stopped when the GREATEST PERFORMER of all time passed!!

Although I didn’t watch much of the playoffs, I watched the Finals. I honestly feel the teams were equally matched, with the exception that the Lakers still had the taste of blood from last season’s Finals.

For those of you who don’t know about my retention program C.A.T.C.H., check it out at tyrusthomasinc.org. Working with those kids when I do has really allowed me to learn more about myself. It has also forced me to be more open and approachable. But I have to give shouts to my entire C.A.T.C.H. staff. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my dream of helping others. I know it gets tough at times but they’ve been coming through like champs!

As for my tattoo, stay tuned to Mouthpiecesports.com for more on TattooU.

The draft! I keep getting the question “what’s up with the two forwards?” Let me say this, I’m the starting power forward and I don’t plan on playing anywhere but Chicago. Some may say I’m arrogant, or full of myself, some may even say I’m crazy! I’m just giving yall the truth.

Man! MJ!!!!!! … Enough said!

Gone,

Tyrus Thomas

And by Alfonso Soriano, I mean a dude wearing a Soriano jersey, and leaving a $20 spot at the King of Pop’s childhood home’s door:

(Photo credit: Post-Tribune)

A few weeks back, I got into a discussion about Michael Jackson, which stemmed from the hilarious video he did with Eddie Murphy for “What’s Up With You.” Did anyone ever take that thing seriously? It’s terrible.

Anyway, my argument was this: when Michael Jackson was in his prime — I’m talking late 80’s/early 90’s before his child abuse allegations hit — there was not a more famous person walking this Earth ever. He set Guinness records for concert attendance, and it was the pre-Internet and pre-reality TV era, before people who shouldn’t be famous have become famous. He had less competition to stay relevant.

It was the perfect fuse in time: we’d become globalized and Jackson’s brand spread around the world. Everything the guy did was a major event.

Anyway, when he teamed up with Michael Jordan back in 1992 for the “Jam” video, what you have is the most famous athlete of all-time teaming up with the most famous solo music artist of all-time. It’s a mega-fusion likely never to be matched again. You also have another horrible video. Here, NBC Sports/NBA Entertainment goes behind the scenes of the video shoot during halftime of one of the 1992 NBA Finals games. And somehow they managed to interview Jordan with what looks to be a swing set in the background.

Just watch it: