So how’s this for your Bears offseason coaching search?

They hire Option Z in Mike Martz for their offensive coordinator. And after not landing Choice A in Perry Fewell for the defensive coordinator position, the Bears instead promoted Rod Marinelli today from his defensive line coaching role today, according to the Trib.

If nothing else, Marinelli is rather familiar with the Bears’ 4-3 defense. So that’s a plus.

They also named a few other bros as coaches for some lesser roles, putting the coaching search to an end. Hooray.

The quotes, from today’s Waddle and Silvy Show on AM 1000:

“I would love to get back in that situation with the return game,” Hester told “The Waddle & Silvy Show” on WMVP-AM 1000. “But at the same time, I’m a team player so wherever y’all want me to go, I’m ready to do it.”

Hester hasn’t scored a touchdown on a kick or punt return since 2007 after running back 12 for TDs in 2006 and ‘07, including a kickoff return in Super Bowl XLI. He said becoming a full-time receiver has taken its toll.

“I know what I’m best at,” Hester said. “The return game is my bread and butter, so if I had to cut back on receiving and go back to returns, that’s something I would love to do.”

Look, I understand why the Bears moved Hester to receiver: they saw a guy with immense talent in the open field, and tried putting it into their offense. Hester’s not the greatest receiver, but he improved a good amount this year over last. If the Bears had a legit No. 1, Hester is a solid No. 2-, No. 3-type receiver.

But can we honestly say he’s impacting the team more positively as a wide receiver instead of a full-time return man? Tough to say.

On the one hand, the guy was an unbelievable force before he moved to more of a full-time receiver. Teams literally had to work their game plan around how to kick to him. Or they didn’t kick to him at all and booted it out of bounds, and the Bears got better field position because of it. He gave them a better chance to punch the ball in the end zone, because the Bears got great field position on most of their possessions.

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You know what’s awesome? Sleeping in on weekdays. Days off.

These are the rare times in the grind of life when you’re supposed to be up and alert; you are supposed to be on the job site, or at your cubicle or in Spanish class, but you are not. You are in your bed. Or you are on your couch. Good times. Good times, indeed.

So you figure with the Colts playing in the Super Bowl on Sunday, starting classes a little later on Monday in Indianapolis wouldn’t be a big deal, right? After all, last time around when the Colts were in the Super Bowl, a bunch of bus drivers called in sick and classes got canceled anyway.

But no, that’s just not how it’s going to go down, reports the Indy Star (this link should work if that one doesn’t):

School districts can institute two-hour delays only for emergencies, such as bad weather or utility problems, according to the state. Those kinds of delays receive automatic waivers from the state. Districts delaying for other reasons would have to apply for a waiver, and Superintendent of Public Instruction Tony Bennett signaled today that he would not look kindly on granting one for the Super Bowl.

[ ... ]

District spokeswoman Kim L. Hooper said the district was exploring its options to ensure that the district complied with state law.

Department of Education spokesman Cam Savage said the state presented IPS with two options: Either make up the day later in the year or extend the school day by two hours on Monday. Either one might be complicated by the district’s contract with teachers, which dictates both starting and ending times and how many days teachers work.

Oh, I see, there’s a state law that says you can’t start class late just because of the Super Bowl. Makes sense. There’s always a third option here, though: creating a huge snowstorm, rendering school canceled for the day.

Surely some devil child has the ability to alter the weather in Indianapolis, no?

UPDATE: They’re getting the two-hour delay anyway. FREEDOM REIGNS. Enjoy the sleeping in, kids.

Remember how Dwight Freeney’s ankle is reportedly pretty bad, and the Pro Bowl DE is questionable for the Super Bowl?

Well now we have the visual, via SB Nation:

Dear lord. That’s the size of like two of my necks.

Freeny said today at media day he may take an injection to help out with the pain, and for as much as he wants to play, the doctor’s final advice will steer his ultimate decision.

More power to him if he plays. I just hope he can fit a shoe over that thing.

As I’m sure you may have heard — because I expect you, unidentified reader, to know what’s up — the Bears hired Mike Martz yesterday. In doing so, they finally put an end to their long and winding search for an offensive coordinator. Congrats Bears! Way to be!

Opinion seems to be split on the hire, but I’m not going to fault the Bears for hiring a pass-heavy coordinator. Jay Cutler is their quarterback; the guy should be throwing the ball a lot. (Not to the other team, though, of course!)

But then I read this post over at Shutdown Corner, and I start to worry about how this is all going to work come next season. One trait of a Martz offense? The QB gets sacked a lot.

Oh boy:

When he was the head man in St. Louis, Martz had a lot to do with the “Greatest Show on Turf” offenses, but the quarterbacks always seem to suffer. In 2003, Marc Bulger’s first season as a full-time starter, he was sacked 37 times in 15 games. Then, 41 in 14 games in 2004 and 26 in only 10 games in 2005. Bulger kept getting pounded in the pocket even after Martz moved on to Detroit. Now, it was Jon Kitna’s turn to get whacked. In 2005, three Lions quarterbacks combined to get sacked 31 times. That total skyrocketed to 63 in 2006, Martz’s first year as the Lions’ offensive coordinator.

Why? According to Football Outsiders, the Lions drastically altered their offense, and thus their protection schemes, when Martz took over. They lined up with four or more wide receivers 9 percent of the time in 2005, and 22 percent in 2006. They went from 18th in passes when ahead in the second half in 2005 to first in 2006. Basically, Martz was putting as close to a spread offense on the field as he possibly could. In 2007, the four-or-more sets increased even more — up to 28 percent, and no other team went above 20. Why? Because with that many receivers, you’re taking blocking backs and tight ends out of the equation. Add in Martz’s propensity for seven-step-drop plays in which the quarterback has to wait that extra split second for routes to develop, and you’ll understand why Kitna was sacked another 51 times in 2007. They ran 31 percent of the time, by far the lowest percentage in the league.

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Watch this video. It’s quite good.

I know it’s an over-covered storyline by now — THE SAINTS ARE SYMBOLIC OF NEW ORLEANS’ RISE — but it’s also incredibly gripping. It’s something you can’t help but root for, even for part-time cynics like me.

The Colts have gotten their Super Bowl in the Manning era … over the Bears of all teams. Do we really want this again? No. No, we don’t.

In closing, I say only this: Geaux Saints.

Something is amiss here.

Can the job really be that undesirable that Hue Jackson decided to pull out of meeting with the Bears and become the offensive coordinator for the Raiders of all teams instead? So undesirable that Jeremy Bates decided to head to Seattle before even a meeting with the Bears? So undesirable that Rob Chudzinski was content to stay put in San Diego?

Is is the fact that Lovie Smith has no job security? (Maybe.) Does Jay Cutler have that bad of a reputation around the league, one in which coaches don’t even want to work with him? (This seems a bit far-fetched.)

Whatever the reason may be, it’s clear people aren’t exactly pining for this job — clear this whole process has been far from seamless or smooth. No one wants this gig right now.

And then you begin to wonder that if the Bears keep rolling through candidates here, they may likely be far from their ideal pick when someone finally agrees to come aboard. Congratulations to our 10th choice! This doesn’t mean they can’t find someone who will come in and make this offense hum. There are more than 4-5 guys in the game of football who can lead an offense with sound play-calling.

But this whole process, coupled with this season’s disappointment and the lack of draft picks, is instilling little confidence that this organization is on the up and up right now.