Last Sunday, Seahawks maniac Owen Schmitt decided he would smash his own head open against his helmet. View the YouTube video here. Why? Who knows. Testosterone? Steroids? Any number of things could be at work here. The point is that he did it, and he cut his head open, and he needed stitches before he could play in the game. This is not a very smart individual.

Fortunately, other smart individuals know this. Unfortunately, Seattle Times columnist Steve Kelley isn’t so sure. He’s convinced kids need a reminder not to do this sort of thing. Ready, kids? Ready to be told obvious things? Here comes the faux-locker room speech:

But listen, gentlemen, as far as I’m concerned, what Owen Schmitt did was more stupor than blooper. It was silly, and it could have been serious. We have enough concern about head injuries in our game. We don’t need any that are self-inflicted. If you want to ring your own bell, join the choir.

Look, I want you to play as hard as Owen Schmitt does. That kind of on-the-field aggression is what we coaches have been preaching to you guys since camp. But, do me a favor, gentlemen. Do yourselves a favor. Keep your helmets on. And hit the other team. Not your own forehead.

Uh … thanks, coach?

Kelley does succeed at this much: He manages to elicit the same feeling in me, the reader, as he would if he gave this speech to a group of high school kids. There’d be a few guffaws. A couple guys would suppress laughter. Most  would sneak uncomfortable glances before slowly walking away from this crazy old man yelling at us.

Note: Posting will be much lighter today in observance of the Columbus Day holiday.

The Seahawks absolutely dismantled the Jaguars yesterday, to the tune of 41-0. And it wasn’t because they schemed better, or because Matt Hasselbeck’s rib is better and he’s back, or because of the defense that stymied Jacksonville at every turn.

No friends. It was because Owen Schmitt banged his helmet against his head during introductions, and created a professional-wrestling style deluge of blood from his forehead:

Seeing that Scmitt is a fullback, I suppose he’s used to nailing his head against things. But still: ouch.