On Sunday, Rickey Henderson is doubtlessly going to give one of the greatest Hall of Fame speeches of all time, and not just because he’s Rickey Henderson. In recent years, induction speeches have devolved into a real grind. Some perspective is necessary; these speeches are for the indulgences of the players giving them, not for the audiences that have to sit through them. They’ve been given twenty or thirty minutes of stage time, and damn it, they’re going to use it any way they please.

The speech of the most recent inductee, Goose Gossage, was actually pretty decent. But I’ve examined the three next-most recent Hall of Fame induction speeches — those of Cal Ripken, Tony Gwynn, and Bruce Sutter — and have emerged a man who really dislikes Hall of Fame induction speeches.

Cal Ripken, 2007
Ripken kicks off his speech with an anecdote about a 10-year-old kid he had met recently who didn’t know what he was. That’s a story with some legs, it seems to me. Maybe he’ll riff a little on the fleeting nature of celebrity, or the changing of the guard, or something else? Nope! Instead, Ripken wraps it up with the dreaded, “That certainly puts all this in perspective.” Thanks for nothing, doofus!

He then takes a few minutes to thank everyone on the entire planet before reflecting on his role in society and responsibility toward others. After that, he misuses the word “ironic.” This speech, as a whole is strikingly mediocre.

The highlight: “I remember learning about a family who saved their money to come to Baltimore to see me play. I got thrown out in the first inning and their little boy cried the whole game.” We’ve all been that sad little kid at some point, and it’s nice to be acknowledged.

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Alex Rodriguez got caught cheating. And then he admitted to it. There’s no real sense in arguing whether or not, while he was playing for the Texas Rangers and winning an AL MVP in 2003, he used performance-enhancing drugs.

There might be, I suppose, some sort of argument as to whether A-Rod should be keeping that MVP hardware he won. Apparently though, any sort of debate is pointless (unless it’s what’s playing on A-Rod’s answering machine!), because the BBWAA already decided he can keep it.

“He was elected the MVP and it’s his award to keep or give away or do what he wants with it,” BBWAA secretary-treasurer Jack O’Connell said in a telephone interview. “We’re not going to take it away from him and give it to someone else.”

[...]“Listen, the wool was pulled over all our eyes,” O’Connell said. “We had an election and [Jose Canseco, Ken Caminiti and A-Rod] won. The awards are theirs.”

[...]“We’re not going to take it away from him,” O’Connell said of Rodriguez. “That’s where we stand right now. We can’t rewrite history.”

Ha. Ha. Hahahaha. The BBWAA doesn’t think it can rewrite history? Really? Because, um, Corky Simpson apparently thought he did when he passed on Rickey Henderson for the Hall of Fame.

Anyway, I suppose it’s fine that A-Rod keeps his trophy — it’s not like giving it to the second place winner, Carlos Delgado, would in any way alter his career or anything. Sigh. At least if A-Rod somehow mismanages his money and then his book doesn’t sell he’ll have a trophy to sling on eBay.

Over at the Fun Hut, Matt Snyder is reporting that Rickey Henderson enthusiast Rickey Henderson is still interested in playing in the majors. The 50-year-old Henderson has hemmed and hawed about his desire to play for the better part of this decade, but this latest development is interesting because, as far as I’m aware, Henderson could be the only Hall of Famer to ever play the game.

Signing and playing Rickey Henderson, of course, would be tantamount to a gimmick, but gimmicks are fun, right? When Minnie Minoso, whose career debuted in 1949, returned for a cup of coffee with the White Sox in 1976 and again in 1980, he wasn’t productive, but the fans loved it.

Stranger things have happened. When the Olympics were in Atlanta, the Braves held a tryout for a Czech Olympic javelin thrower with no baseball experience. Garth Brooks once participated in Spring Training with the Padres. And Felix Pie is a baseball player. Teams are still willing to make ridiculous gambles on guys who almost certainly won’t pan out, so despite the recent lack of interest in Rickey after his “I want to play” overtures, a return of Rickey Henderson to the majors actually makes a marginal amount of sense in an “eh, what the Hell” sort of way. So hey, if there are any cavalier general managers out there: a lot of us would love to see Rickey play at the major league level again, if only out of curiosity. Sure, he’ll probably hit .205, but sometimes you just have to take one for the league.