Mouthpiece Faux-Exclusive: What Will The NFL Commish Find As He Ascends Mt. Rainier?

As you read this, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and Seahawks coach Jim Mora are scaling Mount Rainier, the tallest mountain in the contiguous 48 states.
“I’ve never done any mountaineering. I’ve barely climbed a hill,” Goodell told The Associated Press last month, laughing while talking about his attempt. “Well, I always love a good challenge.
“I must say, I’m not exactly sure what I’m in for.”
This doesn’t sound like a recreational endeavor to me. Usually, a guy with no mountain climbing experience isn’t going to try to climb Mount Rainier. This is clearly a man on a quest. Why Commissioner Goodell, of all people? What is he looking for? My best guesses:
1,394 feet: Snow monster that will serve as adequate replacement for John Madden in the broadcast booth
3,006 feet: Present whereabouts of Shaun Alexander’s career
4.653 feet: 900-year-old frozen corpse, still clutching instructions for more efficient overtime system
7,889 feet: The Kansas City Chiefs’ home broadcast area (26 square feet, guarded by wolves)
9,476 feet: Legend has it that a cave-dwelling man “is real happy about what Romeo Crennel is doing with those Browns, real happy”



Twitter is a cool phenomenon for fans of sports in the sense that we get to interact with athletes who were previously untouchable. It’s awesome that media barriers have been broken down, blahblahblah, and that we are finally just 140 characters away from the tingling excitement of talking with our heroes.
Michael Vick has dealt with more than his fair share of trouble over the past few years; really, when you think about the fact that he’s been in prison for forcing dogs to fight, it’s almost more surreal than anything.
Anyone who is a commissioner of a professional sports league makes a ton of money. It comes with the territory, the scrutiny, the hard work and the part about getting to be famous but not really popular. The cash, however, isn’t always deserved.
There is a blogospheric consensus, one which might bleed into actual sportswriterdom, that the Pro Bowl is a giant yawner. A borefest. A waste of time. I certainly never watch, and I don’t know anyone who does. At this point, the most suspense comes from checking out how big Chris Berman’s Hawaiian shirt is this year. Those things are naturally big anyway. You could sail to Honolulu with Berman’s.
Drunken fans at professional football games have become an increasingly difficult problem for the authorities to deal with; at college games, you just threaten to toss them out of the university or make them do community service. But in the NFL, it’s a little harder to discipline fans.
Oh hey, fair Americans out there. You know how football is pretty much indestructible, with the insane TV contracts and ratings and how Forbes, in September, called the sport “the richest game” and “the strongest sport in the world.”