Phil Rizzo is 79 years old, so it’s hardly irrational to believe that he might struggle adjusting to today’s new world of blogs and big money and tweeting the rain on strippers. After all, baby boomers are still freaking about this whole “taking a bus to school” business, and Lord knows they should be adjusted by now.

But that doesn’t make his stance on Steven Strausburg any less ridiculous.

“You know how much I would have paid him?! Zero! He’s never put on a jock! I would have said to him, you’ll make millions IF you perform. IF you do this, and IF you do this. Every sentence would have started with IF.”

And yes, this is highly exacerbated by the fact that Rizzo is a scout for the Nationals and, ergo, a representative of the organization every time he speaks to the public. But more than that, isn’t it kind of absurd that he really wants Strausburg to get nothing? (A: Yes. Yes it is.)

Here’s why: it’s 2009. Professional athletes are getting paid insane amounts of money to play ball. Rookies are getting huge contracts. Agents are working teams for more money than ever. And economic crisis be damned, people who play sports for a living simply aren’t indentured servants anymore, like they were in Rizzo’s heyday.

Which means that, yeah, a guy like Steven Strausburg who has never pitched an inning of “real baseball” and who is all hype and who has a super-agent like Scott Boras, well, he’s going to end up getting lots of money.

And in the scope of things, sure, it’s stupid that anyone thinks he’s worth that much money. But that’s a basic tenant of economics known as supply and demand. So, regardless of what old coots like Rizzo or young, edgy blogger-types like me think about Strausburg becoming stupid wealthy, if a team is willing to pay him what he demands, then it’s a sad reality that we have to accept. At least until baseball grows up and institutes a cap anyway.

Is this your homework, Scotty? Is this your homework, Scotty?

While baseball super-agent Scott Boras was eating at a restaurant on Monday evening, someone was in the parking lot smashing up his Land Rover.

The agent told police that his car was parked in the lot at 3201 East Coast Highway between 9:15 and 10:10 p.m. Monday when someone used an unknown hard, long object (baseball bat maybe?) to strike the front and driver’s side window.

Crimes like these often go unsolved, so I’ve taken it upon myself to write up a list of possible suspects. Who would want to smash up Scott Boras’ car?

- The Venn diagram overlap of a) fans bitter that Boras coaxed their favorite player away from their favorite team, and b) people who intensely dislike Land Rovers

- Guy who would have settled for Photoshopping Boras as Satan or the Emperor from Star Wars, if only he knew how to use Photoshop

- Blind baseball player innocently taking warm-up swings; wrong place, wrong time

- Karma, which would have orchestrated an elaborate chain of events that would give Boras his comeuppance and teach him a valuable life lesson, but was feeling really lazy that day

- Sports bloggers who really, really wanted an excuse to make a Big Lebowski reference. Just saying.

(A firm handshake to Deadspin.)

Stephen Strasburg is as close to a sure thing as an amateur baseball prospect can get. At age 20, he already has terrific velocity and movement on his fastball. He struck out 23 batters in a game while pitching for San Diego State. He pitched for Team USA in the Olympics and posted a 1.64 ERA. The movie Spider-Man was based on events that actually happened to Stephen Strasburg. He is for real.

Tonight, the Nationals will certainly select Strasburg first overall in this year’s draft, and after that, they’ll probably spend a month or two negotiating with his agent, Scott Boras. Boras, reportedly, is looking for six years and $50 million for Strasburg before he takes the mound. Again: $50 million for a player who has not thrown a single major league pitch. If Strasburg lives up to expectations, he’ll make history. And if he somehow turns out a bust, he’ll still make history.

Has anyone, in any field, ever, been paid anywhere close to $50 million without prior professional experience? Suppose that after six years, it becomes clear that Strasburg is a Todd Van Poppel or Brien Taylor. He retires from baseball. He lives until he’s 90 years old. If he opts to hide his $50 million under his mattress, he’ll have enough for about $715,000 a year (before taxes) for the rest of his life. If he invests the money and/or gains interest, he’ll have plenty more than that. All for six years of work.

Maybe this is a lame line of thinking, but I swear to God, if I were Strasburg, I wouldn’t be all that sore if my arm magically went dead after a year. I mean, $715,000 a year? That’s almost as much as I make.

Manny Ramirez and Scott Boras rejected the Dodgers last night, for the third time. (Cue a bunch of journalistic losers making Biblical references, right?) Of course, when this happened, the Dodgers acted swiftly, making sure the public knew it was a rejection by Man-Ram’s camp.

A rejection that involved Manny saying “no” to $45 million. That’s a tough public pill to swallow in these economic times, especially when guys like Adam Dunn are scraping by on chump change. But it turns out perhaps it isn’t all Manny’s and Boras’ fault: the Dodgers were trying to stick him with a contract that involved largely deferred money.

Under the terms of the contract that Ramirez was offered by the Dodgers on Wednesday, he would receive $10 million this year. And by exercising the option for the second year, he would receive $10 million in 2010. Colletti confirmed today that deferred payments were involved.

Ramirez, who turns 37 in May, would’ve been paid the remaining $25 million over the next three years without any added interest. He would’ve received $10 million in 2011, $10 million in 2012 and $5 million in 2013.

It seems odd, of course, that the Dodgers would rather not pay Manny his full money during the duration of his contract. This is really only OK in those rare occasions when you’re lucky enough to be contacted by someone like Mrs. Roselyn Bermudez and you have to hand out your credit card and wait a few months before you collect the $2,130,000.00 she promised me in November. Er, whatever.

Keep reading →

From USA Today, emphasis mine:

The Los Angeles Dodgers, rejected three times in attempts to sign Manny Ramirez, said Tuesday that they hadn’t given up hope but hinted a deadline could be implemented.

From Manny 14:27-31, 14:66-72:

²⁷ And the Lucrative Contract said to them, “You will all fall away, because it is written, ‘I WILL STRIKE DOWN THE CONTRACT, AND THE CLIENTS WILL BE SCATTERED.’ ²⁸ But after I have been signed, I will go ahead of you to Scott Boras.” ²⁹ But Manny Ramirez said to Him, “Even though all may reject You, I will not.” ³⁰ And the Lucrative Contract said to Manny, “Truly I say to you, that this very offseason, before pitchers and catchers report to camp, you yourself will reject Me three times.” ³¹ But Manny kept saying insistently, “Even if I have to hold out, I will not reject You!” And the other free agents were saying the same thing also.

Keep reading →

I figured today would be an ongoing sports Obama-thon — the Olympics, Nate Silver, etc — but who knew we’d get down to the nitty-gritty of Barack Obama’s tax proposals already? (HT: The Sporting Blog)

Agent Scott Boras, negotiating eight- and possibly nine-figure deals for free agents Manny Ramirez and Mark Teixeira, already has thought about the possibility of asking for larger signing bonuses payable this year in some of his contracts.

“There’s some consideration to be had with the impact of the election,” he said.

First, a caveat: People overreacting about Obama’s tax plan — just this morning, I’ve had two people worriedly ask me when it will go into effect — need to chill. Just because the dude got elected doesn’t mean he’s going to get a bill passed, and even if he does, it may be specifically different to his campaign proposals in a lot of key ways. So just relax.

Second: Holy [crap]. Scott Boras will use literally any excuse to net his clients more money, and himself a larger commission. Any excuse! What’s more, instead of maybe waiting a day or two to let the election fury fade, he goes ahead and warns MLB teams the day after Obama’s elected. I know he doesn’t care if he seems like a brazen jerk, but what about his players? Do they really need to catch crap from the pro-Obama crowd? Does Manny Ramirez really need to be the at the nexus of the sports taxation argument? If Manny knew what a “Barack Obama” was, he’d be totally pissed right now.