If I was Rick Reilly, I would make an Ozzy Osbourne comparison here that would do nothing but elicit chuckles for years to come. Alas, I’m just a snarky blogger, so all I can really do is recount some facts and then make light of the situation. Sigh.

Lane Kiffin, as you may recall, has been batty since he landed in Tennessee, replacing Philip Fulmer … to the even more insane point that we’re almost collectively willing to blame him instead of Al Davis for the Raider breakup. And awesome news comes in the form of further recruiting stories. In this case, a South Carolina recruit, Alshon Jeffrey, spurned Kiffin and he explained what Jeffrey would be doing for the rest of his life.

According to Jeffrey and Wilson, Kiffin told Jeffrey that if he chose the Gamecocks, he would end up pumping gas for the rest of his life like all the other players from that state who had gone to South Carolina.

[..]“He said it, but it’s not worth talking about,” Jeffrey said.

Um, the hell it isn’t! Kiffin has violated every major recruiting norm (and some actual rulez too!) since he started his new gig in Knoxville, and incredibly, even after each public lambasting, he continues to seem to step up his game. Fortunately for all of us, Steve Spurrier still coaches the Gamecocks and they travel to Tennessee to square off against the Vols on Halloween this year.

I don’t think it will happen, but I’d probably pay ~$150 to see the ‘ole ball coach hang a sign around his neck that says “Kiffin’s Daddy.” Or something funnier than that would suffice as well.

A lot of sports teams have pep talks during spring practices. The coach — if it’s a big-name school — brings in some celebrity to prepare the team as they prepare to prepare for the upcoming football season.
This year, Steve Spurrier, head coach (em up) of the South Carolina Gamecocks, brought in the one and only Bob Knight to speak to his team. No, seriously.

Knight spoke to the Gamecocks on Thursday. Knight, who won three NCAA titles with Indiana, was in town for ESPN’s broadcast of the South Carolina-Tennessee basketball game.

Gamecocks coach Steve Spurrier says he’s known Knight for several years and was glad to have him out at practice.

First of all, I’m going to do the respectable thing and skip all the Bob Knight screaming “The only c–k you understand involves s–king, you pathetic little chickens—s!” jokes. (My fake, angry Coach Knight has developed a punny sense of humor in his older age, thanks for asking.)

And I’m also not going to touch on the innumerable number of “Smelley” laughers that are out there. Instead, I’m kind of curious about something that Orson mentioned today: “Knight is an old acquaintance of Spurrier’s, and is responsible for showing a tape of a relatively unheralded Indiana recruit named Rex Grossman to Spurrier.”

Bob freaking Knight introduced the world to the Sex Cannon? Is that true? And if so, how the hell did I not know that? Admittedly, Grossman was a monster in high school (FanHouse’s Matt Snyder saw him in person, so I don’t even need to quote stats, obv) but you have to believe that if he doesn’t land in the Spurrier’s high-powered attack system, then he probably wouldn’t have tortured Chicago for all these years. So, couple that with Eamonn and Ryan being Bears fans and Indiana alums, and, yes, that would make it highly likely that Knight ruined their favorite football teams.

Sterling Sharpe is a diehard South Carolina fan. Need proof? Check out his blinged out “Cocks” Blackberry cover (that’s blatantly fake, and incredibly tacky to boot!), witness his retired jersey number or just listen to him talk about the school. He loves South Carolina.

It then becomes a little awkward when you find out that Steve Spurrier and South Carolina are trying to unretire his number and give it to a recruit, Alshon Jeffrey. Pretty lame, huh? And Sterling’s not thrilled either.

“Once they gave me that honor, I don’t see how in the world they would audition or petition for me to give it back,” Sharpe said in the radio interview. “I haven’t done anything to add to those numbers, but I definitely didn’t do anything to warrant having it taken down and having someone else wear it.”

“I’m not beating this horse to death. I’ve said my piece, and I’m done. It’s a situation that I got drug into, this kid got drug into, and I don’t think it’s fair to either one of us,” Sharpe told The State.

Look, if this is me (and Lord knows my No. 11 is hanging in rafters everywhere), I’m not letting them touch the number. Forget “loyalty” and “taking one for the team” and whatever the hell else kind of card Spurrier wants to play in this situation; Sharpe’s number was retired.

His number isn’t Michael Jordan or Brett Favre either, last I checked, so it should freaking remain that way. Frankly, I think it’s pretty insulting that Spurrier would even think about doing this, and I’d be interested to know what would happen if David Cutcliffe started offering Duke recruits his old QB jersey.

Via Chas

There has been much ado about Lane Kiffin’s hiring in Tennessee. Some people think he’ll be a good coach (me) and others (Clay Travis) are more skeptical about the youngster handling the botched reigns of Philip Fulmer’s wagon. And Steve Spurrier just thinks he’s a cheater.

But almost more attention has been paid to Mr. Kiffin’s reasonably attractive wife, Layla. So much so that some psycho fan has created the Web site, IWouldDoLaylaKiffin.com. I wish I was kidding.

They say behind every great man there is a great looking woman! Well it might not go exactly like that but it should! Our new YOUNG coach Lane Kiffin is toating a super hot M.I.L.F.. I’m hoping she’s involved in the game plan somehow.

Welcome to Knoxville and PLEASE come around quite often! At least a loss won’t be quite as bad next year. Come here and get lost in those georgious blue eyes!

… And Finkle’s the mayor? Holy psychoville, Batman. It would be one thing if this site was littered with advertisements and someone was just playing off the SEO factor of “Layla Kiffin” but this is just straight up obsess-much territory and, frankly, it should probably scare Lane and his family from even bothering to move off the California coast.

But hey, on the bright side, at least the Kiffins don’t have any children they have to worry about having permanently scarred when obscenely drunk Tennessee fans start screaming vulgarities towards their mother in the middle of football games. (Though, she is eight months pregnant.)

Also see.