On the subject of Michael Phelps — because apparently we’re still talking about Michael Phelps — Charles Barkley, master of the endearingly outlandish quote, recently had this to say on ESPN Radio in Dallas:

“It’s the jackass generation. You got every little nitwit walking around with a cell phone trying to catch you in a compromising position. I mean, my man Michael Phelps can’t even smoke no dope with his friends. If you can’t smoke with your friends, who the hell can you smoke with? I’m not here trying to be this or this, I’m just telling you: My man’s smoking dope with his friends and one of his friends sells him out. That’s the generation we live in now. It is what it is.”

I would like to quickly refute Charles Barkley, if I may.

I’m pretty sure, though I’m not positive, that most of Michael Phelps’s friends wouldn’t have ratted him out for smoking weed. As a matter of fact, Phelps wasn’t partying with his friends when he was caught smoking a bong. He was at the University of South Carolina visiting a girl. They were at someone’s house partying. Anyone who has ever visited a different college, or gone to college, or even someone who has ever been to a party larger than 30 people, knows that someone you don’t know is going to show up. At some point in the night, you’re going to take the keg tap from a random dude you’ve never met before. That’s the nature of a party.

Keep reading →

Unfortunately for the people who got to spend a night smoking weed with Phelps — and all of us, really — the Michael Phelps story refuses to die. An overzealous South Carolina sheriff is building a case against everyone who was at the infamous party, including people who weren’t in the photo and people who weren’t even at the party. One such person is the owner of the ROOR bong Phelps was photographed ripping. That is harsh, Mr. Sheriff. As Jeff Spicoli would say, “Hey, bud, what’s your problem?”

Of course, it doesn’t help one’s innocence — or the sympathy one would receive from stoners the world over — when one tries to sell his Michael Phelps bong on eBay.

We’ve also learned that the department has located and confiscated that bong. Sources say the owner of the bong was trying to sell it on eBay for as much as $100,000. The owner, who wasn’t even at the party, is one of the eight now charged.

All sorts of lessons to be learned here. One: Don’t sell a bong on eBay. Two: Don’t sell a bong on eBay if it could remotely link you to a pothead so famous the backwoods sheriff in your county wants to make a name by prosecuting him. Three: Don’t take camera phone pics of Michael Phelps doing bad things. You’re only bound to get arrested. And four: Don’t smoke marijuana, kids. It’ll rot your brain like that other egg that was all scrambled in those commercials. And no one wants that.

Michael Phelps got dropped by Kellogg’s as a sponsor recently. That seems fairly dumb because, well, what he did wasn’t that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. And, given recent national events, (A-Rod namely) it’s going to blow over pretty quickly. Which may be why Seth Meyers, a notorious defender of people that smoke the cheeb, came to his defense in an SNL “Really” skit on Saturday night.

Of course, as Ufford noted, this would be tremendously better if the always foxy Amy Poehler was involved, but props to Meyers for pointing out that Kellogg’s is basically run by potheads*.

*I don’t actually believe that. but it would be awesome.

Everyone will remember Michael Phelps and his eight medals and his new condos and all his nice endorsement deals from the Beijing Olympics, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. But what about Mike Cavic?

Not sure who he is? Me either. That is, until, our Beijing bureau sent over this video of the Serbian swimmer lamenting his one-hundredth of a second loss to the American superstar in the 100-meter butterfly. Oh yeah: that dude.

Some highlights:

On what he would give up for a rematch: “I would give my left testicle.”

On Phelps: “When you think a guy’s unbeatable, you have this fear inside of you. Every time you race him you become more and more OK with with racing that guy. You come closer and closer and think: ‘This guy’s not an immortal. He’s human.’ Once you get that inside of you, you get pretty comfortable. The more and more I race him the more I feel like I can beat him. I want some.”

On what’s next: “I ain’t going to Disneyland.”

I like this guy. One qualm though: why your left testicle, Mike? As a southpaw, I take some offense. Couldn’t we just have said a testicle?

If there’s one thing I do not support, it’s testicle discrimination.