Adam Schefter has reported that the Bills need to trade Terrell Owens. Although, in fairness, he’s not necessarily “reporting” this, because he put it on  Rumor Central at ESPN. Yet, it’s actually a fact: the Bills stink (BADLY) and if they can get anything back for a talented, albeit temperamental and aging, wide receiver who’s signed to a one-year deal, well, they should.

So, yeah — Schefter isn’t saying the Bills are trying to trade Owens, just that they should. And one of the teams he thinks that TO should go to? Da Bears.

Of course, as Andrew Sharp points out at SBNation, this sent everyone and their brother within 100 miles of Chicago  into a Google frenzy worthy of Two Girls, One Cup. It’s not surprising, of course: whenever someone like Schefter mentions this possibility, people with any sort of access to a computer start Googling away, usually ending up on LALATE because of some SEO-driven slug instead of actually finding worthwhile information.

But I digress. The point here is Owens is not likely to be traded; Schefter readily admits that while mentioning that the Bears would only be a “good fit” for Owens were he to be traded. Which, coupled with the fact that the Bears gave away most of their valuable trade items when they landed Cutler, means it’s unlikely to go down.

Not that it wouldn’t be awesome — it totally would rule to see Owens actually happy again, catching balls behind an offensive line that wasn’t made out of plywood and duct tape* and making Trent Edwards’ life more miserable. But it’s probably not happening. So either close that window in your browser or just spend the rest of your afternoon trying to trade for Johnny Knox. Or watching porn. Or something other than Googling “TO TO TEH BEARS.”

*May actually be a compliment to the Bills o-line

Terrell Owens went catchless Sunday, the first time since 1997. An incredible and outstanding run if you want to boil it down to “actual football” instead of including the “annoying wide receiver” factor. His lack of production brought many a complaint in the media, including NBC analyst Rodney Harrison, who has been known to use steroids stir the pot on occasion.

Sunday’s pot-stirring? Harrison said that TO is “more concerned with his own stats than the team’s success.” Naturally, Owens had no comment on Harrison’s remarks via his widely read Twitter page.

I could less about Rodney Harrison! Anybody tht using steroids, yes STEROIDS rodney, is a cheater & cheated the game!
Is tht Y u used steroids b/c u were worried about ur stats or ws it b/c u were losing it? Lol! U’re a loser & a cheater? Got any steroids I cn borrow?
Hey rodney! Send me sum steroids 2 the Bills facility next week!

The important thing, here, of course, is that no one’s upset. And clearly, it sounds that way. Or not.

What I don’t get is that Owens — clearly — doesn’t seem to grasp the notion that Harrison is not only employed as an analyst, but that it’s also his job to make people angry. In other words: grow up, TO. No, seriously, guy, grow up.

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Anyone watching football yesterday knows two obvious things: 1) Terrell Owens improves the Bills passing attack. 2) Tony Romo is less effective without Owens.

Now, the second part wasn’t immediately obvious after Week 1 because Romo looked awesome against a hapless Bucs team (admittedly, yes, the same hapless Bucs team that Owens and Lee Evans scored against), but it was obvious yesterday on Sunday Night Football as Romo laid an egg against the Giants during the opening for the Cowboys’ new stadium.

Naturally, TO had something to say about the whole affair. Well, kind of — I’m assuming that a “retweet” does count as “saying something” right? (Because it should.)

RT @mcgowanboi: @terrellowens Dallas just found out they had a T.R. problem not a T.O problem !!

TO let that hang out there for a few hours before offering up a fake-sounding, albeit apologetic, tweet of his own:

Look, I’m nt gonna say anything bad about the cowboys, I hate tht sum of my boys played hard & they lost! Hope my boy MB is ok!! Nite!

OK, let’s just move on from the whole “Romo v. Owens” thing, as well as the Cowboys issues with their QB  — these are obvious; we don’t need to discuss them — and focus on whether a retweet counts as Owens actually saying something, because I tend to think that’s the issue at stake here, right? (For those Twitter illiterate: A retweet essentially means you are re-broadcasting what someone else already said on the service. In this case, @mcgowanboi said that line to TO, and then TO retweeted it for all his followers to see.)

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Every year, a new Madden game is released. And every year, at least two things happen. 1) I purchase the game and then don’t get the full value out of it because I end up not playing it enough. And 2) several athletes complain about the fact that they are not rated high enough in the video game.

This year, that athlete is T.J. Houshmandzadeh. “Teej” (if you will — and you will, because I’m not writing Houshmandazdeh 30 times in the next several hundred words) is so cheesed off, in fact, that he’s going to boycott the game until EA Sports fixes his rating, according to an interview he had with everyone’s fav shockjock, Colin Cowherd.

“I understand I averaged 10 yards a catch, but it’s the offense, not me. I’m not playing Madden no more until they get my rating right. … I used to be the best in the world at Madden. I’m going to miss not playing it, but until they do me right, I’m not playing it any more.”

How did they do Teej an injustice? Well, they ranked him — *gasp* — a 91 overall. What exactly does that mean? Well, it means he’s just as good as Terrell Owens.

And not as good as the following people: Larry Fitzgerald, Andre Johnson, Steve Smith, Randy Moss, Reggie Wayne, Anquan Boldin, Roddy White, Brandon Marshall, Calvin Johnson and TO. Which, for the most part, seems pretty fair.

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Here it is, friends. Photo comes via a friend of a friend. Don’t miss the sweet visor! Also, as Brinson pointed out via Gchat, James Hardy was No. 81 for the Bills last year. Looks like he gave it up for Owens, a guy with a one-year deal.

Come on, James. Stand up for yourself. Indiana Hoosiers 4 eva.

So clearly, what you need more of in your life is “Will Brinson explaining why the Bears should sign more old football players.” CLEARLY. But I’m going to do it again today. Why? Because I can. And because Torry Holt wants out of St. Louis. And right now, he’s incredibly undervalued.

There are only two reasons this could be a bad idea, and they’re both personally related to me: 1) I want him on the Panthers, so the Bears would be bad, and 2) I’m a State fan and <3 T-Holt, so the last thing I want is to see him having to wrap up the latter stages of his career trying to reel in Kyle Orton’s wild ducks.

But, those two things aside, why the hell wouldn’t Jerry Angelo go after Holt right now? The entire world believes, inaccurately, that he’s pretty much washed up. Why? Because he had a horrible season with the Rams last year.

But, since everyone apparently missed the entire 2008 St. Louis season … that whole team stunk. Very badly, with like two games of Jim Haslett-inspired pseudo confidence aside. Marc Bulger is washed up, that offensive line is worthless and there was no reason to think that Holt could succeed in that situation.

Yet everyone’s fawning all over Terrell Owens as a potentially “nice” addition. Why not Holt? I have no idea. He makes infinitely more sense because he’s a better receiver, a better teammate and, somehow, less expensive. Yet, it still looks like Angelo thinks the Bears can do better in the draft. How sad.

TNT announcer Marv Albert was wondering last night if these puppies were “those 3-D glasses you wear in movies theatres.”

No Marv, they are not. In fact, in my amateur sunglasses-spotting opinion, they appear to be a pair of Oakley JUPITERs, which retail for $120.00 and are available in multiple colors on Oakley’s Web site, and most likely wherever fine sunglasses are sold. Like in a mall at Sunglass Hut.

Oakley brass, I’ll be expecting my endorsement check in the mail by the end of the week, thank you very much.