The Onion, very rarely, fails to bring the funny. They are to humor what ESPN is to “over-the-top, screaming analysts on brightly lit sets talking about inane aspects of sports.” Which makes the following video pretty freaking appropriate. You see, in this hypothetical situation, the NCAA Tournament has expanded to 4,000+ teams, and there’s analytical justification for why each one of them deserves to be there.

The only way this gets funnier is if it’s an NFL Draft parody of Mel Kiper and Todd McShay, but since the former is a satire of himself at this point, maybe that’s too meta.