Because international soccer is not my strong suit, I turned to former MPS soccer expert Eamonn Brennan for some anaylsis on the US’ pool for World Cup 2010 in South Africa. By all accounts, the US had a very favorable draw. Outside of England, the US should be able to handle the other two teams — Algeria and Slovenia. And, at least on paper, should advance to the next round.

Some thoughts about each team from Mr. Brenann:

First, England:

It’s better than playing almost any other great club, but England is good. They belong in the elite. I don’t think they’re a great matchup for the US. They have a recent history of choking in World Cups, but they are really good top to bottom and probably have the best midfield in the world. Their back line is bad for Landon Donovan because John Terry and Rio Ferdinand are both like 6′4″ and strong. They will own him.

Algeria:

Good draw. They have no real high-level club players to speak of. it’s a lot easier to qualify out of Africa; there are good African teams but they are not among their best. It should be an easy win.

Slovenia:

Great draw. We don’t have to even worry about England at this point. Because England should finish with three wins (nine points). We’ll likely lose to England but beat both Algeria and Slovenia (six points).

Slovenia and Algeria should lose to both us and England, and one will beat the other, or draw, or whatever. So three points and zero points, or one point each, if they draw.

Last night, U.S. soccer closed CONCACAF qualifying with a pretty thrilling tie with Costa Rica. Non-soccer fans probably consider the previous phrase an oxymoron, but when you score a goal deep in extra time to draw the game at 2 — especially when that game’s major purpose for the U.S. was to honor injured teammate Charlie Davies — that’s a thrilling tie.

But it really didn’t matter for the U.S. Their place in the World Cup was secured. It did matter for Costa Rica, who needed a win to qualifying, and Honduras, who needed to beat Ecuador last night (they did, 1-0) and the U.S. to beat or tie Costa Rica to sneak into the World Cup. This is what happened. Hondurans were pleased by this development. Notice the love for the U.S. at the end:

Forget soft power and diplomatic common sense. This is how the U.S. improves its international standing. If our soccer team gets really good and starts beating everybody, at least half those teams will love us, right? There is literally nothing wrong with this theory.

And I can’t even come up with something clever to put in the headline. True story via Grant Wahl: Landon Donovan has contracted the H1N1 virus.

My first reaction to this was: Well, yeah, actually that makes sense. Because No. 1, Mexico has had its fair share of issues with swine flu. And No. 2, when some dude in a tri-colored mohawk is drinking beer, sticking his fingers down his throat, forcing himself to vomit into his cup and then throwing this vomit-cup at you as you attempt to take a corner kick, you know, you could come down with something. Possibly swine flu.

Alas, Donovan was tested in Miami before the U.S. made it to Azteca, and felt awful throughout the game:

“I felt something when I got into Miami on Sunday,” Donovan said. “I just felt real bad and finally went to see the doctor. They took a swab from my nose and confirmed it, so that was that. I haven’t felt that way in a game in a long time,” Donovan said from Los Angeles. “During the game and even after the game I thought maybe it was the altitude, the heat, whatever. But even so I’ve never felt that bad. The last time I was there [at Estadio Azteca] I didn’t feel that bad. I just felt lethargic, slow. I didn’t feel normal.”

Which is, I don’t know, a relief? If you have swine flu, does it matter if you got it from a drunk Mexico fan’s vomit or some stranger in an airport? I’m wagering it doesn’t.

You would think all of the shock and outrage surrounding the way South American fans treat the U.S. men’s national team would have been settled in 2001. It was just after September 11 — that date seems to keep popping all up in my blog-space today — when the U.S. traveled to Guadalajara for a World Cup qualifier. After booing the American National Anthem, Mexican fans chanted “Osama! Osama!,” which immediately made booing the National Anthem seem not all that bad.

I’m not exactly Toby Keith, but that’s just not cool at all. And it cemented my feeling toward the most rowdy of Mexican soccer fans: I hate them. I hate them far more than the team they root for.

Yesterday’s atmosphere wasn’t much better. As Yahoo!’s Martin Rogers reports, the Mexican fans took it up a notch, brandishing decapitated effigies of Barack Obama and Landon Donovan, and giving Donovan the old puke-cup routine:

The man with the tri-colored mohawk took a swig of beer, stuck his fingers down his throat and vomited the mixture back into his cup. In the next seat another man, who was wearing a T-shirt with a cartoon drawing of the decapitated heads of Barack Obama and Landon Donovan, poured out what remained of the Corona beer he had been chugging and urinated into his cardboard drinks container.

Then, according to a neutral bystander who witnessed these disgusting acts, the pair stood on their seats, high-fived and hurled their vile concoctions in the direction of Donovan, the United States men’s national team star who was preparing to take a corner kick 15 yards away.

There are more anecdotes in the column, the entirety of which you should probably read, but one thing you shouldn’t do is be shocked. This is par for the course. As Donovan told the New York Times earlier this week, at least the fans in Azteca aren’t as close as in most stadiums. Those puke-cups usually connect.

For all our (sports fans’) complaints about announcing, we often blow things out of proportion. Sure, Brian Baldinger is a meathead, but he’s not THAT bad. Sure, Emmitt Smith can’t string a subject and a verb, but he’s harmless. Sure, Joe Morgan’s an dolt, but Sunday Night Baseball is still pretty enjoyable, all things considered.

But there was once a man who deserved every heap of scorn sent his way, a man so bad at his temporary broadcasting gig that he actively drove fans away from sports’ exciting event. This man was Marcelo Balboa. This man succeeded where so many European terrorists failed: he ruined World Cup 2006.

And today, he’s back. When Mexico plays the U.S. at 3 p.m., fans have two televised options. They can watch the game in Spanish on Telemundo. Or they can watch an English-spoken broadcast on Mun2 that will feature, you guessed it, Marcelo Balboa, licensed pundit.

In other words, English-language fans have a choice: Watch the game in Spanish and understand nothing but the word “GOL!” Or watch it in English and understand nothing. One is still greater than zero. You win, Telemundo.

Expectations should be high. The last time you saw the full-fledged U.S. squad, they had somehow made their way to the Confederations Cup final, their best showing in that tournament in the history of the team. After an improbable series of events got them in the knockout stage, the U.S. stunned a previously unbeatable Spain. You remember this, yes?

Conversely, the last time the Mexicans made an full-squad appearance on the international stage, they were struggling to qualify for the World Cup in CONCACAF. They currently sit at fourth place in their six-team hex, something their fans have been apoplectic over for months on end.

Mexico is in a funk, and the U.S. is riding high, right? So today’s game at Azteca in Mexico should be a win for the U.S., yes?

Not so much. The U.S. has played at Azteca 19 times; it has lost 18 and drawn once. Playing in Mexico’s heat and humidity is bad enough. Playing at Azteca, where the altitude is 7,200 feet and the ball travels differently and the crowd is 105,000 strong and raucous and sometimes downright hateful — well, that’s about as inhospitable as a CONCACAF match can get. Throw in the U.S.’s relative inexperience in the stadium — only Landon Donovan, Oguchi Onyewu, Carlos Bocanegra and Steve Cherundolo have played there — and you’ve got a bit of a recipe for disaster.

That’s not to say the U.S. can’t win. It sounds as though Bradley is planning on playing a compact style. The less opportunity the Mexicans have to run and counterattack, the better. Bradley might start the less-talented but more possession-oriented Brian Ching at forward instead of young star Jozy Altidore. The U.S. has a severe height advantage throughout the field, and especially in Mexico’s defense half. And you could argue that the U.S. simply has more talent, something you can’t say too often.

But that stadium. Oh, that stadium. The nice thing about soccer is that sometimes, a tie is really a win. Most U.S. MNT fans would settle for that today.

The USMNT is in Philadelphia this week, as they’ll be playing Saturday in the Gold Cup. And in a cross-promotional gimmick, Santino Quaranta and Stuart Holden got together with Eagles kicker David Akers for a field-goal kicking contest. (Two-sentence anecdote: I once bet a friend I could kick a 40-yard field goal. I lost said bet.)

Both Quaranta and Holden held their own, as they knocked in 50-yard field goals. Take a gander at the 1:00-3:00 mark:

Akers (a former soccer player) also does quite well with the soccer ball and his foot. You know what would have made this video better? Ackers kicking Holden in the nuts. Hard. Nut shots: they never fail to entertain.