And it goes to, of all people, a bro with the name Odd, Norway’s Odd-Bjoern Hjelmeset.

According to Sports Illustrated, here’s what he had to say about his silver medal performance in the men’s 4 x 10 relay. (That’s cross-country skiing, if you’re wondering. Because I was wondering.)

My name is Odd-Bjoern Hjelmeset. I skied the second lap and I f—– up today. I think I have seen too much porn in the last 14 days. I have the room next to Petter Northhug and every day there is noise in there. So I think that is the reason I f—– up. By the way, Tiger Woods is a really good man.

This man is my hero. That is all.

HT: SB Nation

Now this, this makes a lot of sense. From the USA Today:

Research by three U.S. academics, who analyzed heat-of-the-moment reactions, medal-stand temperament and interviews of Olympians, shows that bronze-medal winners, on average, are happier with their finishes than silver medalists. Take silver, and you tend to fixate on the near miss. Score bronze, and you are thankful you were not shut out altogether.

There was a time when I was a competitive runner, and I would say from experience this doesn’t translate; I was happier when I finished second rather than third. And as far as the big American sports go, I would think it’s better to make the World Series or Super Bowl or NBA Finals and lose, than to fall just short in a League/Conference championship series — the bronze in this scenario.

HOWEVA.

The Olympics are a totally different beast. If you finish in the top three, that in and of itself is oftentimes enough. Hey, I got a medal. I’m on the stand. I’m being honored. I’m not the team that is walking shamefully off the field or court, I’m standing proud with a medal around my neck.

And so it stands to reason that if you land the bronze, you’ll feel like you’ve just made it in and are happy enough. But nab the silver and though you still have a medal, you’ve just missed out on the gold, the sweet, sweet gold.

Do you remember that schoolyard saying: “First is the worst, second in the best, third is the one with the treasure chest?”

Well, none of that applies here. The end.

Why, Yes, I Would Prefer That Bronze To A Silver, Thank You Very Much

This is what I’m left wondering this morning.

Did you see Nobunari Oda fall down while attempting a triple loop last night, and mangle and cut up his skatelace in the process? And then had to go off the ice and take a few minutes to get it fixed in an effort to go back out on the ice and finish his routine? Humiliating. Demoralizing. Sad.

This was the biggest moment of his career — probably his life. It was his first Olympics. He was fourth after the short program and could have moved up into the medals with a good routine.

But no. He fell in front of an enormous TV audience. Call it Bill Buckner on ice. And that’s the thing: because most typical sports fans in America aren’t consuming ice skating or various other winter sports throughout the year, this is the only time we will watch this guy. We will not watch the World Championships or anything else.

We watched him in his biggest moment. He failed. And that’s that. That is our lasting impression. There is no other at-bat. There is no Game 7 to seek redemption. There’s no next play to make up for that missed shot or tackle. You’re done.

Now go train for another four years, and maybe we’ll see you again. Better luck next time.

But hey, at least his routine lasted longer than this downhill run by French skiier Marion Rolland on Wednesday:

I should probably just stop watching the Olympics. Too painful.

Hey, kids: the Winter Olympics are right around the corner! Be honest, now: I know you are really excited for the curling and the bobsledding and the figure skating. Yeah. See. I knew it. (Actually, I’m only kinda kidding here. This stuff might not be on TV every Sunday in the fall, but it’s incredibly interesting to watch when the Winter Olympics come around. I’ll be watching.)

But what about the events that need snow? Like skiing. Or snowboarding. Or snowblowing. (I made that last one up.)

Well, there’s a bit of problem with those right now. There’s no snow in Vancouver.

High temperatures and rain have melted much of the snow-pack at the North Shore mountain site. Technicians have been replacing that with snow from higher up the mountain and building up the runs with wood and hay.

Now a spokeswoman for the Vancouver organizing committee says VANOC is trucking in about three dozen loads of snow a day from as far away as Manning Park, more than two hours drive east of Vancouver.

VANOC’s vice-president of communications Renée Smith-Valade said it was always part of the contingency plan to augment snow at the Olympic sites from outside sources.

Guys, this is why we must protect our environment; global warming is a real phenomenon, and  by the time our grandchildren get to be our age, the only site left to host the Winter Olympics is going to be Antarctica. And travel costs to Antarctica this time of year are through the roof.

And I’m pretty sure their only lodging is igloos. In short: vote no on global warming.

Something in my feeble brain is vaguely remembering  Stephen Colbert being tied to the upcoming Winter Olympics. Probably just some zany gimmick. Nothing more. Nothing less. This is Stephen Colbert, after all.

So it is with great joy that this video is bringing things into a clearer picture for me now: “Colbert Nation” is actually sponsoring the US speedskating team this year. No joke. And some people are pissed.

Observe:

Oh, and if you think Colbert was kidding around about the Sports Illustrated cover, he most certainly was not:

Is it too late to get Colbert on the bobsled team?

HT: SB Nation